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life at a private school

Chapter Sixteen

My mother came out of the living room with a worried look on her face and tried to calm down my father who was shouting at me at the top of his lungs. Even my sister came out into the entrance way to watch my father scream and carry on.

I was firmly rooted to the same spot and couldn't move I didn't know what to say and if I did say anything it would only make my father even angrier if that was possible.

"Answer me young man, where have you been, school finished at 3:30pm that's nearly four hours ago, where have you been?.

He was working himself up so much that his face was bright red and the veins in his temple were throbbing. For a moment I thought he would have a heart attack and drop dead in front of me and I would be to blame! I morbidly thought of him in a coffin for a moment before I was brought back to reality with the ferocity of my father's screaming.

I looked to my mother for help but she too had a look of annoyance on her face and I knew that she would not be able to help me at the moment either.

"All right if you won't answer me go to your room and you won't be allowed to go anywhere till after your exams young man", he said pointing at me in a menacing way.

I exploded at that point and started screaming at him to the absolute horror or my mother who knew it was just going to make my father even more immovable.

"Go to hell, I'm eighteen in two weeks, you can't keep on controlling my life like you do, I'm old enough to make my own decisions for my life!"

I was amazed at my outburst but didn't stop there. "Just because you screwed up your life and never went to university doesn't mean that you can live your bloody life through me, I'm not you and I don't want to be you, let me live my own life and stay the hell out of my decisions and my life"

My sudden outburst had thrown my father off balance because he wasn't used to me answering him back or shouting at him and he stood their with a rather dejected and bewildered expression on his face. I burst into tears and ran to my room before he had even had a chance to respond leaving my entire family in shock at my outburst.

I slammed my door and threw myself on my bed crying into my pillow slamming my fists against the bed. All I wanted was to be happy and do what I wanted with my life not to do what my father wanted me to do. I had made a promise to myself a few days before that I would not hide my true self anymore and I would be what and who I wanted to be!

I was eighteen in two weeks and I already felt like a man, if I couldn't be who I wanted to be at home then I would just have to leave home and find a job. I raised my head off the pillow as my mother opened my door and came in. I was embarrassed that she would see me crying so I put my head down further in the pillow and quietly sobbed. Mum sat on the edge of the bed and gently stroked the back of my head not saying a word just stroking. I didn't want her there because I felt so hopelessly confused by all the emotions I was feeling.

On the one hand I was still in the afterglow of sex, and I could taste my tears mix with the taste of Tim on my lips. But so much of me was angry and upset at the reaction of my father and his so total and unchangeable vision for my future. It was after all my future not his that he was trying to control and I was the only one who wanted to be in control of that.

My mother was still sitting on my bed, but no longer stroking my head when I finally looked at her. I could only imagine what my tear streaked face looked like to her. She looked at me with all the love and tenderness that a mother can and waited for me to say something. I stared at her trying to think of the right words to say but nothing came out.

"Josh, you know that your father and I love you very much, he is just trying to make sure that you don't make the same mistakes that he made at your age". She soothed at me. "Give me some time to try and let him understand that you are not him and that he can't live his life through".

I continued to watch her face and started to finally understand that she was on my side, although I had the feeling that once she found out exactly what was going on in my life she may feel very differently about it all. I nodded in agreement with her and she leaned over and gave me a kiss on the forehead. As she did her face drew away slightly as she smelled my hair and she gave me one of her patented quizzical looks.

"Do you have a new girlfriend, is that why you spend so much time at friends houses at the moment"? My heart almost stopped as she asked me this and I felt my face burn as I blushed and started to get all sweaty and uncomfortable. I simply nodded terrified that she had at the very least guessed that I was seeing someone and was patently in love.

"Hmm well why don't you invite her round to meet me sometime, just be careful you don't want to get her pregnant like me!". I was still in a state of shock but just numbly nodded my head in agreement all the while worried if she had started to work out the truth.

"Oh and that friend of yours Tim, he's a lovely young man, no matter what your father thinks of him and his kind", she murmured as she got up and walked out of the room.

I listened as she went down the hallway to the kitchen and started to speak to my father in a rather menacing tone. From the little snippets I could make out she was telling him to stop upsetting me and that I was simply a teenage boy who was growing up. The conversation got louder and louder and I could hear my father shouting about queers as friends.

I stayed on my bed worried where this conversation was going and not really understanding what my father was meaning. In the end my mother shouted at my father to grow up and letting me choose my own direction in my life.

I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes the clock on my bedside table said it was nearly 3am. I was still in my school uniform so I got up off the bed and undressed and went back to sleep. My sleep was filled with dreams and I had a restless night.

When the alarm started buzzing at 7am I hastily slammed the snooze button and tried to regain my sleep. Pretty soon thought eh sounds and smells of the morning made their way under the covers and my mind went into overdrive again. I knew that if I quickly got up showered and dressed I could avoid my father and his wrath again.

I struggled out of bed looking around at my school uniform that had landed on the floor in puddles of clothes. I picked up my school shirt and sniffed to see if it was still wearable or whether I would have to iron a new shirt. Tim's scent was still strong form the night before and my already stiff cock pulsated at the thought of my special lover.

I put the thoughts of wild sex out of mind and barricaded my door so no one could come in unannounced and quickly got changed to go to school. I stealthily crept to the front door and opened it as quietly as I could so my father wouldn't hear. Unfortunately as the door opened my father roared form the kitchen and I fled out the door with a muffled excuse that I was late for practice.

I arrived at school so early that no one was there yet and I was alone to think about all the things that had happened over the last couple of days. I realized that I was now sitting in the same spot which I had used regularly to watch Tim practice on the school field. I had a twinge of regret for the fact that my life had become so complicated of late, but I was also so happy to have found the love of my life who also loved me!

I sat there for half an hour staring at the field remembering all the times I had watched Tim with his shirt off running around the field. My hormones were in overdrive and my cock hardened as I imagined his smooth muscled chest dripping with sweat as he dove for the ball. I could see in my mind his stomach tensing and rippling as he would run purposefully on his powerful legs. My imagination had started to see my self licking the sweat from between his powerful chest and nibbling on his nipples.

A cool breeze made me momentarily forget about my fantasy and I involuntarily shivered. I had to work out what to do about my father so Tim and I could continue to see each other whenever we wanted to. Everyday that I didn't see him was pure torture and I counted every minute that we were apart.

If this is what love felt like, I thought, why did anyone fall in love. I laughed aloud at my cynicism and closed my eyes. I was shocked when a voice behind me asked if they could sit down. I turned around and Ben was standing behind me with a rather dejected look on his face. My first thought was to run away but I nodded my permission and Ben sat down looking out over the field.

"It's a pity there is nothing to look at on the filed this early in the morning, he said rather softly. I looked at him not quite understanding what he meant and then elaborated much to my surprise and a little horror as well.

"you know what I mean, no cute guys with their clothes off, like Tim and Brad and the rest of them from the football team".

"Are you um are you um, gay?, I asked even though I already knew the answer from my conversation with Cass the day before. I certainly wasn't expecting this I thought to myself. I was surprised by the turn of events but I was also rather fearful of just how much he knew about me and Tim.

"I know you are, he said and then added, "and I know that you and Tim are together".

I was totally shocked at the frankness of what he said even if he didn't answer my question but told me that all of our careful planning and subterfuge had been seen through. I started to deny that I was gay or Tim, but Ben just looked at me with a sad expression on his face and said, "Cass told me".

I was initially furious at Cass for telling him, but after a few seconds he told me more that now started to make sense. Ben's mother who had died the year before had been a friend of Cass's at university and Cass was in many ways like a surrogate mother. I found this piece of information interesting because I didn't know that Ben's mother had died. I stayed silent while Ben told me about the accident that had taken his mother in plane crash in Argentina. He had only just told his mother that he was gay and literally a week later a freak accident on board a small commuter aircraft had killed the only person in his life that he had ever been close to.

When he told his mother she had been very supportive and one of the first things she had done was to ask Cass how she could help her son. After the accident Ben's father had withdrawn into a world of his own concentrating on work and trying to shut out the pain of losing his wife of twenty years. His relationship with Ben had never been strong as he didn't enjoy any of the activities he did and so they had very little in common. The school had kept the accident quiet in the hope that Ben would be able to deal with it privately and not have the entire episode dragged through the rumor mill.

Cass had Ben over for dinner every few nights and bit by bit had got Ben to open up and tell her what he was really feeling. I felt so low for the things I had said to Cass the day before about Ben and also understood now what she meant about Ben needing friends. Ben was crying now as he told me about the pain and shock he still felt when he thought about losing his mother. I felt like I should say something but I was fighting to keep the tears form my eyes as well so I sat there staring.

"I really like you Josh, I have for a long time", he confided wiping the tears from his cheeks. "I had picked up that you were gay and yesterday when I saw you and Tim together I got so jealous that I made a real fool of myself trying to get you to want to be with me".

I was shocked to hear that this cute guy had feelings for me and had kept these hidden very much like I had kept my feelings from Tim to myself. I was totally speechless and all I could do was stare at Ben's soulful eyes awash with tears and uncertainty. He took a deep breath and went on,

Cass told me that I upset you yesterday and I am really sorry for doing that, I really didn't mean to hurt you or Tim, well I did mean to try and um get you to um um well you know", he grinned sheepishly. I blushed at the meaning of what he said, after all he was very cute and if I wasn't with Tim then I would have without question jumped at the prospect of sleeping with him. I thought about what the idea of sleeping with Ben for a moment in a new light, I could see that he had a really nice body and he was just so cute, but when it came down to it, I was in love with Tim and would never do anything to disrupt either the trust or the love we had.

I so much wanted to give Ben a hug as he was now staring out into the oval with tears streaming down his face. I patted him on the shoulder instead and gave a gentle squeeze.

"It's ok, I won't tell anyone", I murmured and let him continue his story.

Ben it seems had been watching me for years and had picked up my interest in boys a long time before I had acted upon them. He reminded me that the year before we had been teamed to do a science project together and that was when he had really fallen in love with me. I conjured up the dark recesses of my memory to remember what we had studied together but the shock of the last couple of minutes had pretty much made my mind go blank. Ben grinned at me through his tears and seeing the confusion on my face reminded me that we had Ben studying plant growth in Biology.

Ben went on for a while telling me about the depression he went though about being gay, losing his mother and just feeling so alone in the world. He told me that he used to imagine me rescuing him like a knight in shining Armour and taking him away from the reality of his life. He also hinted that he had fooled around with a few guys at the school over the past couple of years although he didn't say who.

I was amazed that he had a thing for me, as I had never ever picked up on any of the vibes and more to the point had never even suspected that he might be another gay boy at the school. I stifled a giggle as I thought about Cass and her ragamuffin group of gay students at this very strict private school.

Ben gave me a hard stare and I had to explain that I wasn't laughing at him, but rather at the situation that Cass had managed to put her self in. Ben grinned and said that she had intimated that there were more gay guys at the school but until yesterday had never said anything about who they might be. I wondered how Tim would take this new piece of news, knowing that even though he was starting to come to a better acceptance of his own sexuality he was still very fearful of other people finding out.

The students were staring to appear in the grounds now and Ben was very conscious of the fact that his face was tear streaked and his eyes were puffy. I was hoping that Tim would pass by on his way to his locker and see me so I could say hello to him before the school day began and I was kind of distracted listening to Ben.

I was shaken out of my search of the students by Ben's question, "I still love you you know, do you think there could be a chance for use to um hang out some time?"

I was somewhat taken aback by this question as he knew that I had a boyfriend and what he was suggesting was just plain wrong, even if my deepest and darkest thoughts were wondering what he would look like naked!

"Ben, I have a boyfriend, you know that and I love him very very much , I'm sorry but it is just out of the question". One part of me was incredibly flattered at the idea of this very cute guy really liking me even when I had a boyfriend, but the other half was kind of pissed off that he would even ask such a thing.

"So a threesome might be ok", he grinned wickedly. My mouth fell open and I was too stunned to say anything. But my cock immediately got hard thinking about being sandwiched between this cute guy and my lover. At that moment the bell rang for five minutes to get to first period and we both got up and started walking towards our lockers. Ben had noted the obvious mound in my school pants and I couldn't help but notice the very obvious mound in his pants either.

Ben went off to his locker and I walked up to mine. As I was taking things out of the locker I could feel that someone was behind me and I quickly turned round knowing that it was Tim. Tim's gorgeous face and deep eyes stared at me and I wanted to grab him in a powerful embrace and never let go. Instead I reached out and gave him a little squeeze on the arm gently stroking the bulging bicep covered by a thin shirt. My horny state of mind was not at all helped by the sight of my lover who was as splendid and stunning as ever.

His school uniform could never quite hide the magical stallion that lay beneath it and with every small move of his body the rippling youthful muscles beneath would flex and contract. My cock which has subsided now instantly sprang back to attention saying hello to its master. Tim noticed the effect that he had on me and laughed at my predicament. Our school uniform of charcoal pants and white shirt only made a hard on all the more obvious and mine was standing at attention. He leant in a little closer as if to lean against the lockers and gently brushed his hand against my cock. I shuddered and I could feel the wet oozing warmth of pre cum as it flowed into my boxers.

"You bastard", I hissed hornily, "Now look what you have done!". I looked into his eyes and for a moment my heart stood still and time stopped.

"You have fourth period free don't you, " Tim asked more as a statement that a question. "Can you help me with the solo for the musical orchestra," he said rather loudly so others if they were eavesdropping would think nothing of the conversation. I nodded my understanding and thought about what we could get up to for fifty whole minutes later on that day. Before he left I quickly told him about my father's outburst last night.

His eyes grew smaller and he chewed his lower lip in thought for a moment before replying, "we'll work it out even if I have to kidnap you!". I grinned and licked my lips hungrily hoping that the rest of the morning until fourth period would go fast.

As luck would have it the rest of the morning was spent in group work with Nick and Dan who were studying the same subject as me. We spent ages talking about everything other than our work mainly our plans to go into Oxford Street on Saturday night to a gay bar. The teacher came over during our conversation and we instantly started talking about whatever silly thing we were studying. I filled the boys in on some of the conversation I had with Ben this morning and I noticed that Nick was very quiet whilst I told them.

It suddenly clicked in my mind that Ben had said he had been with other guys from the and the school and I wondered whether Nick may have been one of them. I carefully watched Nick's face whilst I continued and I thought to myself that I must ask him later if he had been with Ben in the past. There was a lot to Nick's past that we didn't know and it was getting more intriguing with every turn. As the old books said the plot was certainly thickening on this rather incestuous little group of gay students.

It had occurred to me over the weekend that there must have been more students like us that were going through the same sort of things that we were faced with. I many ways Cass had become the unofficial convener of our school gay group. It was rather funny really although the problems we went through and the support that Cass and we got from each other was something very special. I wondered how we could tacitly help other kids like us in the school and made a mental note to talk to Tim and Cass about it later. In the meantime I just had to get thought the next hour before Tim and I could have some time together.


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