When I woke up it was about ten in the morning. I laid there and listened to the silence; either Tommy had left or he was still a sleep. I got up, made my bed and took a shower. I didn't know why, but I began to worry that Tommy had left, for some reason I wanted to see him. "I just need some reassurance that he's gonna be okay." I thought to myself. After the shower I put on some khaki shorts and a blue t-shirt, telling my self to take my time; I felt anxious to see Tommy. I walked down the hall and up to the door of the room he had slept in. It was halfway open, so I slowly pushed it in. To my relief, Tommy was sprawled out in the bed. The covers were scattered and tangled, the pillows had fallen off the bed and he was laying in an awkward position, but it was the most pleasing sight I could have seen. I smiled and closed the door, leaving it halfway open. I went to the kitchen and got myself something to eat and drink.
When I finished, I walked to the glass doors in the living room and looked outside at my backyard that was soaked with water. "Good morning." Tommy's deep voice said from behind me. I turned around quickly and smiled. He was still in the underwear from last night. "Hey," I said, trying to sound calm. "did ya sleep well?" I walked over and sat on the couch. "I slept great. Except" he began as he walked over and laid on the couch, putting his head in my lap. "Except what?" I asked. "Well, I kind of felt bad for just leaving last night." He said. I ran my fingers through his hair. "Where did you go?" I asked. "I mean, I felt like I just left you, ya know? Like it was a one night stand or something." I smiled down at him. "That's something you don't have to worry about. I felt fine and to be honest, I'm not really used to sleeping with someone." I said. "Good, neither am I." He smiled. I was glad we had an understanding. I told him to get in the shower while I fixed him something to eat.
"Man! I didn't know you could cook." Tommy said to me looking at the omelet, bacon, hash browns, and toast I had whipped up. "It's what I get for being an only child and having parents that were never home." I said. "So you taught yourself how?" he asked. "Actually, the cook taught me. Well I just watched, but I still learned." I said smiling. "Cook? So that's how you can afford all this, you're rich." He said pointing his fork at me. "No, my parents are rich; the money my grandma left me pays for this house, my car, and school." I told him. "Damn, I'm on an academic scholarship, have to work to pay for half of an apartment and you work for fun. Aint that a bitch!" he said smiling and shaking his head. "No, I work to pay bills." After he finished eating we went and sat on the couch. "Thank you." He said as he leaned over and kissed me. "For what?" I asked. "Everything, for letting me stay here, clothes, breakfast last night." "Hey, I wasn't the only one; you were just as involved in it as I was." I said. He smiled at me. "What did you mean when you said you'd been wanting this?" He asked. "Well," I said "I meant that I had been wanting you since before last night, even before yesterday." "So you've wanted me?" Tommy asked with an eyebrow raised. "Only for a little while, and I didn't think about you sexually much." I said trying not to smile. "Uhu, that's why you made the first move." he said scooting up against me. "Like you didn't like it" I said as I pulled him to me. "I know I did." I said lowly and kissed him. "And, as I remember, you were begging me no to stop." I added.
Tommy left around two. I laid on the couch and flipped through the channels on the TV. I don't know why I was doing this; the only thing I was thinking about was Tommy. I didn't really miss him, but he was on my mind. The house was quiet, as usual. The shadows of the trees swayed on the wall. I got up and just walked aimlessly around the house. I felt lost, like I needed something to do but couldn't find anything. I walked upstairs to the guest room Tommy had stayed in. I laid on the bed and closed my eyes.
The sound of someone banging on the front door woke me up. I ran downstairs and opened the door. "About time! What took you so long?" Aubrey asked. She was a friend I had met at school and kinda stuck to me; she was the kind of friend that always knew when something was wrong or when you were hiding something. She was strange and unusual, dressed in little punk outfits. Her statement' was, "I don't care what anybody thinks!" when she really did; that's why she spent so much time coordinating and putting them together. "I was a sleep." I said walking away from the door, letting her come in behind me. I was preparing for the third degree that I was going to get in 5, 4, 3, 2, "What's the matter? You look different." she asked as she eyed me suspiciously. I was about to answer when she suddenly gasped and pointed a finger at me. "Who did you do whatever it was you did with?" There was no use in me even trying to play it off or act dumb. "Guess." I said with my eyebrow raised. "Hmm" she began. "Let me see, you already fucked Tanner, it's not Casey John?" she asked. I shook my head; I don't think I told her about the way I was feeling for Tommy. She only thought we were friends. "I don't know." She said quickly. "Your' dear Thomas." I said. Aubrey referred to Tommy as Thomas, and "My dear Thomas" when speaking to him. Her jaw dropped as my words slowly hit her. In one swift move she was sitting by me on the couch. "Thomas? My Thomas? How? When? Was it good?" she asked with a big smile. "Yes, yes, I made the first move and he told me not to stop, last night when we were taking shots, and it was great. But we only blew each other." I responded. "Oh my God, Collin! I can't believe you I can't believe Thomas is gay!" she said, whispering the gay part.
"Well, not really I don't know exactly. We didn't discuss that." I said. It slowly came to me that I hadn't thought about his status. "Well I guess it really doesn't matter, I mean if he's gay enough to exchange oral pleasures with you than he's gay enough. Right?" she asked. I shrugged my shoulders and wondered what Tommy's status was. "Do you like him?" Aubrey asked. "I don't know. I want to be with him, but I don't know how to handle a relationship with a guy. Plus, I'm not even sure if he wants to be with me. This morning he told me that he felt bad because we didn't sleep in the same bed last night. I told him it was okay cause I'm not used to sleeping with another person and he said he wasn't either." I told her. "Where do yall stand relationship wise?" she asked. "Well, he said he didn't know what we were but he knows we're more than friends. Like we kissed goodnight, this morning he would lie against me or put his head in my lap and I would play with his hair, and we made out before he left. He even thanked me for the stuff we did." I said looking at her. "It sounds to me like yall are already together." "Yeah and I guess it doesn't help any that I made him breakfast." "You cooked for him?" she asked surprised. "Then you have to like him, you usually don't even wait for them to get dressed before you push them out of the house." She added.
The phone rang as I sat in silence and Aubrey absorbed the news. "Hello." I said, putting the phone to my ear. "What are you doing?" Tommy asked from the other end. "Sitting here with Aubrey." I said. "Who is it?" Aubrey mouthed to me. "Tommy." I said, "What?" Tommy asked. "Oh, I was telling Aubrey who it was." "Oh, tell her I said hi." "Hi." I said to Aubrey. "What are you doing?" I asked him. "I'm sitting here waitin for my roommate to get dressed." He said lowly. "What are yall gonna do?" I asked. "He wants to go to Dave and Busters and play a few games. I don't really want to go, but he asked me to." His voice sounded depressed. "What's wrong? You sound down." I said. "I don't know. I started feeling like something was wrong on the way home. I don't want to be here." He said. "I would tell you to come over here if you didn't have plans. There's nothing to do really, but we could be bored together." I said to him, trying to brighten him up. "I would. Can I tell you something and you not get freaked out?" he asked. "What?" I asked back. "I want to see you. I know I just left, but I wanna be there with you. Like I feel I'm gonna miss something if I don't see you, like kinda anxious, for you." "That doesn't freak me out, and you're not missing much, just Aubrey." I said. "I don't know. But it looks like Alex is ready I'll call you later okay?" He said. "Alright. Have fun." I said as we hung up. "Aww, does he miss you?" Aubrey asked with a smile on her face. "He said he feels like he needs to see me. Like he'll miss out on something if he doesn't." I responded.
"So what are we doing tonight?" Aubrey asked. "What is there to do?" I asked unenthusiastically. "Do you wanna just sit here and think about Tommy?" she asked me. "No, but I don't want to go anywhere. Let's just call some people and tell them we're gonna have a small party?" I suggested. "Cool. I'll call people and you go get the supplies." She ordered me. "Supplies?" I asked. "Alcohol, snacks, stuff" she looked at me. "Take my keys and get some stuff from my place too." When I got home, Aubrey was sitting on the couch watching TV. "I told everyone that the party would get started around 10." She said to me. "Okay. Who all did you invite?" I asked. "Everyone." She said. "I thought it was just going to be a small party?" I asked. "Honey there's no such thing as a small party. Especially when you tell me to invite the people." She said smiling. "I didn't tell you to, you just did it." I said. "You know what, I don't have time to argue with you about this. I only have four and a half hours to get ready." She said and walked to the door. "What time are you going to be here?" I shouted out the door at her. "About eleven." She yelled back. I walked back into the living room. "I wonder if Tommy will stop by later?" I thought to myself.
Sure enough, the party turned out to be a big one; everyone I knew was here, and a lot of people I didn't know were here. The music was playing, people were dancing, drinking, talking, laughing; a typical college party. Aubrey was debating with some guy about nonconformity. I was playing my part as host; greeting people, showing them where things were. I went to the kitchen and was pouring myself some more of the beverage that Aubreys friend Kyle had concocted when I felt someone grab my ass. I turned around to see Tanner Glouver. "Hey." He said smiling. "Hi." I said, surprised to see him here. Tanner wasn't a very social person; he was nice, but the party scene wasn't really his thing.
"What's been goin on?" I asked. "Not much, just hanging around. I feel like I haven't seen you in a while." He said to me. "Cause it has been a while. Seems like you don't even go to school anymore." I said. Tanner and I hadn't seen each other since the last time we had sex. He had told me once that he thought I was "intriguing", I don't exactly know what he meant by that. In fact, Tanner always only seemed to be interested in one thing; sex. I liked him, but he just never did or said anything to make us more than that. "I do, I just don't hang around unless I have class." He said dryly. "Since when did you start going to class?" I asked. "Since I haven't had you to distract me." He said as he stood there smiling at me; I knew what was on his mind. "Umm, I'll be back." I said and walked to the bathroom. Tanners stare always made me feel nervous.
When I came out, everything sounded louder. I went to the living room and looked around. Aubrey waved me over to dance with her. "So how are you doing?" she asked. "Tanner's here." I said in her ear. "He is?" she asked turning to look, moving with the music. "You mean you didn't invite him?" I asked. "I did, I just didn't think he would come." She said smiling. The song ended and I walked with her away from the dancing crowd. "Guess what I have?" she said walking me to the hall. "What?" I asked. She pulled out a small baggy from her cleavage. "I got it from Jason. He said they were quality shrooms." Aubrey wasn't a druggie; I wouldn't hang out with her if she was. She just had a little fun every once in a while. "Come on." She said as she dragged me to the bathroom. "You want?" she asked. "No, I'll do fine without them." I replied. "You sure? Jason said they're coated with GBH." "What's GBH?" I asked. "It's like liquid ex. You'll be rollin' your ass off!" she said to me. "Hell no! It's bad enough that Tanner's here. I don't need to be feelin' all antsy around him." "So is Tommy gonna' come by later?" she asked. "I hope so. I wanna see him now." I said.
We walked out of the bathroom. A line was formed and the people looked at us smiling when they saw there were two of us coming out. We walked through the hooting and whistling. "I'm gonna call Tommy." I said to Aubrey. I walked up stairs to my room. I dialed Tommy's cell, no one answered, dialed his home phone, no answer either. I looked at the time, it was 11. "I wonder where he is." I asked. "Where who is?" I jumped and saw Tanner standing in the door. He smiled and walked over to me. "You wonder where who is?" he asked. "Tommy." I said. "Aubrey said she couldn't get a hold of him, so I called and he's not home." Tanner stood, staring at me. "So are you having fun?" I asked. "Not yet." He said smirking at me. "Well, uh" I started, but couldn't find anything to say. "Well what?" he said, stepping closer to me. "I should probably go back down stairs." I said and started walking towards the door. Tanner grabbed my arm and brought me back to him. He was a big guy; 6'3, a little bigger than Tommy. He had black hair with blue eyes, and looked evil when he smiled, to me at least. "You can't just leave like that." He said in my ear with his demanding voice. It seemed like I always played hard to get with him. "Why not?" I asked. "Because we need to take care of business." He said and started kissing my neck. I closed my eyes and held my breath; the feeling was amazing.
"I want you so fucking bad." He said in my ear. He pulled my shirt off and ran his hands down my body to the waist of my shorts. He turned us around so that my back was against the wall. His tongue, his lips, his hands grazing my skin, everything felt incredible. I put my hands under his shirt. His muscles were hard, I could feel them move as he moved. My hands moved down; I felt his hard cock underneath his jeans as I undid them. He pulled back and pushed me onto the bed. He kissed my stomach and made his way up my torso to my chest. His tongue circled my nipple as his hand reached down inside my shorts. My body quivered as his hand touched my cock. Tanner slid down to his knees and undid my pants. He pulled my dick out and wrapped his lips around my head and made his way down my shaft. He sucked and stroked me at the same time. He licked up and down the side of my dick, rolling his tongue all over. "Mmm, Tommy." I moaned. Tanner stopped suddenly. "What?" he asked. I slowly began to realize that I had been thinking about Tommy this entire time. "Tommy? What the fuck?" he said standing up. "Tanner, let me explain" I said. "My name's Tanner, not Tommy!" He said. "Tanner, listen" "No, fuck you." He said as he walked out the door.
I began to feel bad, not for Tanner, but for being with Tanner. I felt like I was cheating on Tommy and didn't understand why. I got up and walked to the bathroom to get in the shower. I stood in the water, thinking. I wasn't ready for a relationship, but I wanted to be with Tommy. And even though our relationship wasn't established, I felt wrong for starting something with Tanner. The feelings were confusing. I wasn't normally one to develop feelings or get attached, but I was feeling this way about Tommy. I got out of the shower and got dressed. "What's wrong with me?" I asked myself as I sat on the bed. "Tanner, not Tommy." I said laying back.