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Chapter Ten

By Cruz February 2005

Tanner pulled into his numbered parking space. We got out of the car and I followed him up the steps to the second floor of his building. The condo-style apartment smelled like faded cologne and laundry as we entered. I looked around and noticed the change in furniture and appliances. The apartment, before, had a black leather couch and a plaid couch, there had been an old wooden cabinet that housed all the electronic equipment and there was nothing on the walls. Now, a large, suede sectional sat in the living room, and the electronics were now on a contemporary style shelf system. Vintage paintings of Jack Daniels and Bunratty hung on the walls. I hadn't been here in a couple of months, but I guess Tanner finally decided to do something with his money and turned the frat look into a refined one.

"Nice." I said. "The room?" he replied. I nodded my head. "I did it for you." he said. I looked ay him funny. "You've always been so, sophisticated; I wanted to show you that I could be too." He shrugged. "You didn't have to, I like the rough around the edges Tanner." I told him. He smiled at me. "Where's Richmond at?" I asked. "I don't know, maybe at his girlfriends." Tanner answered. Richmond was Tanner's closest friend and roommate. One night Richmond had came home drunk from a frat party Tanner and I had left earlier. We figured Richmond would go to his room and pass out, as he usually did. Instead, he stumbled through Tanner's door and found Tanner on top of me with his pants half way down his ass and my hands inside them, both of us shirtless. Richmond was holding two beers and dropped them, he sobered up quick. Tanner and I got dressed and talked about it to him. He was cool with it; confused but cool. I still don't understand his shock of seeing two half naked guys fooling around.

Tanner and I walked down the hall to his room. "What should I wear?" he asked, walking to his closet after we had entered. I noticed his room had also turned into a neater, more modern room. "Clothes." I said plainly. He looked at me with annoyance. "What's the point of putting clothes on," he said taking off his cap, "…they're gonna come off anyway." I sat on his bed and leaned back against the pillows. "Maybe." I said. He pulled off his shirt and threw it at me. I balled it up and tossed it into his closet. He took off his shorts as I admired his naked body; broad shoulders, bulgy arms, smooth back, round ass, thick thighs going down to his strong calves. Not everyone looks good completely naked, but damn, he does. He pulled a collared shirt and pair of jeans out, then noticed me staring at him, "Sure you wanna go out?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. "Get dressed." I told him. Like I said, Tanner always seemed to want sex. He walked over to his dresser and opened the top drawer. He grabbed a pair of boxers and slid them on, then put on an undershirt.

When he was finished getting dressed, he walked to the bed and swung a leg over me so that I was strattled by him. He kissed me softly; slowly grazing his tongue along my lips, then sliding it little by little into my mouth. He pulled away and smiled at me while looking into my eyes. "What?" I asked shyly. Tanner shook his head. He kissed me again before getting off of me and pulling me up by the hands. "So where do you wanna go?" he asked. "Hmm…let's go down to the West End and see what looks good." I suggested. The West End is the historic district in downtown Dallas that is composed of various restaurants; most of them high priced, and places like the Texas School Book Depository where JFK was shot from, that is now a museum.

"Can I ask you somethin?" Tanner said as we headed down Northwest Highway. "What?" I said. He glanced over at me, "Do you love Tommy?" The question took me by surprise. I had never thought about that. How do you know when you love someone? It was Tommy; I didn't know to what levels my feelings for him actually went. "I loved him as a friend, and now he's my boyfriend. So I love him a little more..." I thought. "You gonna answer?" Tanner said. "I don't know, I guess, I do love him…but I'm not in love with him." I said. "Makes sense." Tanner said. There was a moment of silence.

"Do you feel that same way about me?" Tanner asked. It didn't take as long this time for me to answer, "Yeah, pretty much. Why, how do you feel?" I asked him. "Honestly?" he said looking ahead. "I…could be…in love with you." He said. "What do mean "could be?" I said. We arrived at the valet parking entrance for the West End. We exited the car. Tanner tipped the valet and we headed down the street, lit up by sidewalk lamps and white Christmas lights strung throughout the trees. There were sparse numbers of people out, usual for a Monday night.

"I don't know how to say It." he said. "Try." I told him. I looked at him walking along side me. He looked straight ahead, squinting. "What is it?" I asked him. Tanner shook his head and chuckled. "Tell me." I nudged him with my elbow. "You were my first." He said. I waited a second, letting the words arrange themselves in my mind. He stared at me. "I was your first time having sex with a guy?" I asked. "You were my first time doing anything with a guy. And…you're one of only three guys that I've been with." He said. I stayed quiet, feeling a little bemused. Tanner and I first met in our second term American Studies class when we were about eighteen and from the moment he walked in, I wanted to get in his pants. He looked a little different then; a well groomed goatee and short, spiky hair as opposed to his shaven face and still short but scruffy hair, and he got a tattoo. We had conversed a few times at school events and parties. But you can imagine the surprise when we saw one another at JR's, a straight/gay bar in Dallas. Like in a movie, I saw the buff jock sitting at the opposite end of the terrace, drooped over a beer. I don't know how long I stared at him before he looked up. Tanner did a double take then arched an eyebrow. He got up with his beer and disappeared into a crowd.

"I won't tell anyone if you don't" he whispered over my left shoulder about a minute later. I laughed. "Mind if I join ya?" he asked. "Not at all. Didn't really expect to see you here." I said to him. "Likewise…" He said. "But I'm glad I did." "You are?" I asked. He winked at me and took a drink from his beer. We continued the casual conversation and ordered another round. He and I talked about how long each of us had been gay; he a couple of months, I since seventeen. We went over the hardships of attending a private Methodist university. And, worst of all, the tribulations of being gay and being in college sports. Tanner and I realized we had a lot in common besides the recently stated. We both came from wealthy, but distant families, we both attended private high schools, we both were only children, and we were attracted to straight acting guys, particularly athletes, and a lot more.

After three more rounds, two shots, and a toast to being gay jocks, he asked me if I wanted to get out of there…I suggested we go back to my place. I stopped for some more beer on the way. Arriving at my house, I felt a high come over me; like the kind you get when you do something potentially dangerous, although there was nothing dangerous about Tanner. We entered my house, I showed him around a bit, and let him settle into the living room whilst I put up the beer. I came back with two beers and held one out to him. He stood up and grabbed the bottle, then grabbed mine and set them on the coffee table. He put his left hand on my back and pulled me to him roughly as he kissed me. I pushed my tongue into his mouth, then he slid his right hand through my hair and he pulled my head back. He began biting and kissing and licking my neck, alternating sides as I gripped his shirt and left shoulder. I could feel his hot breath on me as he ran his wet tongue down the left side of my neck and over my Adams apple. He slowly moved down as he unbuttoned my shirt and tore my white wife-beater open from the neck. I could feel the blood quickly pulsing through my veins from the adrenaline of literally having my clothes ripped off of me.

Realizing that Tanner had let go of my head, I looked down and saw him circling my bellybutton with his tongue. He pulled my shirt off me then unbuckled my belt and undid my jeans, grabbing my rock solid cock straining out from inside my boxer-briefs. He ran his left hand up my abs to my chest, grabbing and squeezing my pecs.

I grabbed his hand and slid my lips around his long, thick pointer finger. As he squeezed my dick, I felt the heat from his mouth engulf the head of my prick. I moaned onto his finger while he sucked my cock, still constrained inside my underwear. Finally, he pulled my A&F's down with my pants; I was so hard that my dick swung out and thumped him on the right side of his jaw. He leaned back and admired the size of my cock that was now fully extended before him. Slowly, he moved in and placed his mouth around the head, sucking gently before sliding down to the middle. He grabbed my balls, softly massaging them and rolling them around in his hand. "Aah fuck!" I said through gritted teeth. Tanner was taking my entire dick into his mouth. I could feel his tongue graze the underside of my cock as it slid in and out of his mouth. I pulled away, stepped out of my pants and sat on the couch, then laid back. Tanner rose off his knees, pulling his shirt off then sliding his jeans down his legs. I sat up on my elbows and stroked my dick as I marveled at his chiseled body. Sculpted to perfection from years of sports, he had perfectly proportioned shoulders, arms, pecs, thighs, and calves. He looked like a Greek god standing before me in his grey boxers.

He got down onto his knees and leaned over my still hard rod. He lowered his mouth onto me and began blowing me again. He sucked and stroked my cock at the same time. His right hand moved down to my ass. I felt his finger glide gently over my hole and push in a little. Having did this before, I relaxed and allowed his finger to slide in smoothly. He slid his finger out and back in. On the third turn I felt a second digit enter me. I ran my hand over his back, down to the rim of his boxers and put my hand inside them. I felt the muscles in his smooth ass. I then began caressing the crack of his ass with my hand, moving it further down to graze his entrance, then play with his balls.

I grabbed his left thigh and pulled it towards me. He got the hint because he swung his muscled thigh over me and had his crotch hanging over my face. His semi-hard cock hung down from inside his underwear. I unbuttoned the fly of his boxers and pulled his heavy dick out with my right hand. I inhaled the aroma of his genitals; the sweet, testosterone filled scent of a cock oozing precum, waiting to be handled was intoxicating. I wrapped my left hand around the base of his member while I slid my other hand up his thigh and into the leg of his boxers to massage his ass. After his cock had grown a little more, I slid it into my mouth, savoring the taste of his flesh. I started circling my tongue around it to get it nice and wet. His cock expanded fully, filling my mouth completely.

Tanner lifted his ass up, sliding his dick halfway out of my mouth. He then shoved it back in, pushing it down my throat. I felt his reverberated moans on my cock as he fucked my throat. I grabbed his thrusting hips to pull him all the way down on me so that I could take his massive rod to the hilt. When I felt his balls way down on my face, I began humming and moaning. That made Tanner shudder and tense up. "Oh God!" he almost screamed out. I felt the cold air on my dick when his mouth came off of it. Almost as if dismounting a horse, he swung his left leg over me and stood up. I sat up on the couch and pulled his boxers off of him. I grabbed his hard cock and started jacking him. I looked up into his blue eyes that were fixed on me like a hawk.

Tanner leaned down and kissed me on the lips. He moved in like he was going to lie on top of me so I lay back with my left foot on the floor. Instead, he rested on his left knee and balanced himself with his right foot which was on the floor as well. He grabbed my right leg and rested it on his shoulder, making me turn onto my left side. I felt him ready his dick to my hole. He was looking down, as most guys usually do, as he pushed in. "Aaahh…" he moaned. I could feel his large cock fill me. He paused and adjusted his balance, then resumed to slide into me.

He started thrusting steadily in and out of me. His tool reached deep inside of me every time he went in. We both began to moan loudly, making our voices echo through the house. He began to pump faster and harder, making the slapping sounds that you usually here in porns. Tanner leaned forward, holding himself up on his right hand. The veins and muscles in his arm alone made me hotter. I grabbed his wrist and put my other hand on his shoulder. He leaned closer and sucked on my neck. His goatee scraping against my skin sent shivers over me. His speed changed from fast to slow, but he kept up the hardness of his pounding, which, if I remember correctly, moved the couch over about a foot. His dick pulled in and out of me, each time pushing against the sensitive spot inside me. I was trying to catch my breath. I felt like his long dick was pushing my lungs in, forcing the air out of me, making me lightheaded and see spots.

Without him or me touching myself, my still hard cock began to shoot stream after stream of jizz. I moaned out loud. Some landed on my chest, neck, face, and the couch.
I could feel his sweaty torso and chest against my skin. His muscles were contracting and retracting with each thrust. A few seconds later, Tanner put his mouth to my ear. "I'm gonna cum!" he whispered loudly. He was leaning on his elbow now and I grabbed his bicep that was flexed to its fullest. "God…Collin!" he said. I felt hot cum shoot deep into me. The warmth making my insides tingle. I could feel his cock throbbing inside of me as it emptied his huge load. Tanner grunted as he gave his final thrusts before loosening up and resting on top of me, panting heavily.

"Oh…wow…" I said, turning my head towards him. He looked at me and smiled. "I feel like I'm gonna pass out." He said. We both laughed. He looked over at me again, he lifted his hand and wiped away the cum that landed on my face with a couple of fingers. Then he licked them off. We lay there for about ten or fifteen minutes, both too exhausted to get up. Tanner finally got up, he put his boxers on. Then he grabbed his pants and pulled a steel cigarette case out of the back pocket. I watched him observantly. "Mind if I step outside?" he asked. I shook my head. "He smokes?" I said to myself after he walked out. I'd never seen him smoke before. It wasn't something I favored, but I wasn't turned off. Either way, I later talked him into quitting. I got up and put my underwear on, then stepped outside with him. Tanner was sitting in a chair on the patio. I pulled up a chair and sat down. He took a drag of the Marlboro then held it out to me as he blew the smoke out. I thought about it.

I took the cigarette in my two fingers and put it to my lips. I had smoked before, so I knew what I was doing. I felt the nicotine kick in. I looked at Tanner; he was staring at me with a grin. I took another drag, then handed the cigarette back to him. "What?" I asked. "Nothing." He said and shook his head. He ashed his cigarette and took another drag. "Have you told your parents?" I asked him. "That I smoke?" he said. "No, that you're gay?" I said. He shook his head and pulled the cig away from his lips, "They don't need to know. My dad wouldn't care, my mom would pretend to care..." He said. "Yours?" he asked. "I've thought about telling them, but I'm not exactly suffering from repression here." I told him. He smiled at me. He continued puffing his cigarette.

We realized it was two in the morning after we went back inside the house. I picked up my clothes. "Shit, I have to be in at work at eight." He said. I felt bad that he wasn't going to get much sleep. He wiped himself off with his undershirt and then got dressed. I stood watching him. He was just as hot getting dressed as getting undressed. He picked up my cell phone off of the coffee table. "That ones mine." I said to him. We had similar phones. "I know. I'm gonna put my number." He said. I smiled at him.

I walked him to the door after he finished. "Call me next time you wanna go to a bar." He said. "Just the bar?" I asked. "Well, call me anytime." he said with a smirk. There were a few seconds of silence. Not uncomfortable, we gazed at each other. It was almost like a silent "Thank You, can't wait till next time." Tanner wiped another bit of cum off my chest and sucked on his finger prior to heading to his car. That was our first encounter. I played it over in my head as we walked. "What're you smiling about?" Tanner asked. "It's just that…it was soo good." I said. He laughed. "It always has been." He said. I shrugged in agreement. We walked along the street, passing an attractive couple that seemed very in to each other.

We walked past Planet Hollywood and some fifties style place. "How could you be in love with me?" I asked as I stopped to look at him. He smiled, "Is it so bad?" he asked. "No, but I just don't understand how it could happen." I said. "I don't know. I've known you for over a year, and even though we've mainly slept together, I've gotten to know who you are, and I've gotten used to it. I can't really justify it, but I know it's there. I'm mature enough to know. I…love you Collin." He told me shyly. I felt my heart pounding in my ears. That was the first time a guy had ever spoken those words to me. Not even my dad had said that to me; that I can remember. "Just, please don't feel weird or anything. I don't expect you to say it back, at least, not until you're ready. But I want you to know how I feel." He said. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to feel. The guy that I never saw myself having more than just sex with just told me he loved me. I don't know why I had regularly felt that Tanner was incapable of it. More often than not, I thought Tanner was a guy that slept around, a slut, a horny college athlete that got his hands on all the ass he could. But all the while it was only my stereotypical way of thinking that concluded that.

"Remember the night that you said I was acting like an asshole, and we didn't see each other for that long while afterwards?" he asked. I remembered. This was the last time I had seen him until the night of the party. I went over to Tanner's because we had plans. The entire night he was acting shady, like I had done something. His usual sarcasm wasn't cute, but rude, the silence was uncomfortable, and he was distant. I asked him what was wrong, but he shook his head and said, "Nothing." When we got to the accustomed touching and feeling, he was different; he didn't look at me, didn't curse or moan as much, and didn't even put his mouth on me. What was stranger even was that he got up and took a shower right afterward. That wasn't Tanner.

"Tanner, just tell me what's wrong?" I said to him when he walked out of the bathroom. He looked at me. "I already told you, nothing." His voice was rigid; he turned around and started getting dressed. As a guy, I know the annoyance of having someone around that asks these kinds of questions and I also don't put up with someone that gives me shit. I got out of his bed and started putting my pants on. "Where are you goin?" he asked. "I'm goin home." I said. He looked at me questioningly. "I know something's wrong Tanner. And don't give me that "nothing" bullshit. This isn't you. I'm not gonna be persistent if you don't wanna talk, but I'm not gonna sit around and deal with a guy that's acting like an asshole." I said. I put my shoes and shirt on. "Call me later." I said before I walked out of his room.

"What about that night?" I asked him. "I'm sorry. I never apologized to you, and I'm sorry that I acted like that. I didn't even give you a reason." He said. "What was the reason?" I said. "I had seen you walking out of Philip Carvers apartment, putting your shirt on." He said. I had to think about it. I had fooled around a few times with Phillip Carver, a pothead/videogame freak that went to school with us. But I never left still getting dressed. "Oh," I said as it all came back to me. Phillip and I were making out. It got pretty heavy and he took my shirt off, but then I had received a call from Mr. Smith about a delivery, so I had to go. "You saw me?" I asked him. "Yeah, he was gonna give me some tickets for the Battle of The Bands at the Hard Rock. I was stopping by to pick them up and I saw you." he told me.

"Were you jealous?" I asked. "Hell yes I was." He said. "Then I saw Phillip had a couple of hickies when he answered the door. I couldn't take it. That's why I never called you." he said. I smiled, Tanner was really surprising me lately. "You shoulda seen the few he gave me." I said. "Well I don't care now. Besides, Philip is kinda hott." He said. "Yeah, and he gives a good blow job too." I said. Tanner smiled and raised an eyebrow. "So, decided where you wanna eat?" he asked. I laughed and resumed walking.