March 9 2008
I see it around I see it in everything.
I could be so much more then this.
I said my goodbye's this is my sundown.
I gonna be so much more then this.
I need you to show me the way to feel crazy.
I wanna be so much more then this.
From "My Sundown" By Jimmy Eat World.
I ran in the door ignoring Chris and went in search of my mam. As I headed down the hallway Chris headed after me shouting
"Hey asshole I know you took cash from me, I'm gonna fucking kill you kid."
I was surprised he was acting this way with my mam in the house usually he just stayed quiet when my mam was home but as I neared her bedroom I realised why. She was passed out on the floor and as I bent down to try and wake her I felt a sharp pain in my back as Chris kicked me. I fell to my knees but Chris picked me up throwing me against the wall and flailing me with punches before removing his belt and whipping me against the bathroom door. I tried to stay strong and not give him the satisfaction but I was weak from our morning encounter and his shouts of
"Ill teach you to steal from me you little bastard" burned more then the whipping.
He stopped and grabbed me by the collar throwing me into my room. I wasted no time hopping out of my window and heading for Carries again, but as I got closer to her house I saw my reflection in a neighbours pool. My lip was busted and bleeding and my face was red and swollen. I knew I couldn't go to Carries like this her parents were already suspicious so I headed for the local park to see if there was somewhere to crash around there.
I reached the park in ten minutes and after checking my watch I realised it was 10:30 and nobody was out. I looked around finally seeing some old shacks behind the playground but as I got closer I heard voices. I got such a shock that I dropped my board creating a loud thud on the concrete. Four guys came out from behind the shacks and one of them began to run towards me and before I got a chance to run away had pounced on me. He pulled a knife out of his pocket and put it against my face.
"What did you see?" He demanded.
"Tell me, Tell me or Ill fucking kill you"
I began to sob, silver streaks running down my face as another guy ran over pulling the guy off me.
"God dammit J.J heís only a kid, chill ok?" he turned to me and picked me up " So what did you see?" he asked in a kinder voice.
I didnít see anything but J.J didnít seem to believe me. The other guy wasn't sure but he was nicer so I stuck near him.
"Kid don't tell anyone you saw anything k?" I quickly agreed. "And to make it worth your while" the guy dropped a white tablet into my palm.
I knew it was some sort of drug but I had no idea which but the way I was feeling I didn't care. I hadn't done any major drugs before. My Mams drink problem had left me afraid of drugs but tonight I couldn't think clearly I was battered and bruised so I took the pill.
As I downed the white pill my whole body seemed to take on a great warm feeling and I was fresh and happy for the first time in ages. I also felt really really horny but I was now alone in the park unaware of what lay ahead. After 20 minutes of Euphoria my head started to hurt again and I felt lower then I had ever felt. I later learned that I was coming down from my first high on speed. I didn't realise how much I had sweated and as the speed dehydrated me I slowly began to phase out. I woke up in the morning feeling bone dry in my mouth and throat. I scrambled for a water fountain but my legs didn't want to cooperate as I stumbled time after time finally getting there and lapping the cool water for what seemed like hours. I lay there next to the water fountain for about an hour and then slowly started the trek home. When I arrived home my Mam was there and Chris's car was gone. She grabbed me as I walked in the door and held me close hugging me and crying. She was hung over and a wreck as usual but she was distraughtly wailing about how I hadn't come home and how Chris had admitted to beating me up. I got her some coffee and she became more coherent telling me that she was going to get clean and that she had already asked Chris to leave.
My life was starting to turn around. I still couldnít go round to Carries cuz of my busted lip and face but as my Mam patched me up and hugged me telling me how everything was going to change and how we'd be a family I let myself believe her words and lapped up the comfort that came with them. She tucked me into bed and kissed me goodnight as I faded into a relaxed sleep I hoped that her words would somehow come true and I could have the Mam I always wanted. I woke up with the same blazing red numbers on my alarm clock 10:00. I was still feeling kinda crappy from the speed. At least I thought it was speed but I couldn't be sure. I rolled over and pulled my stash of cigarettes out from under my bed. In most houses the Mam would have found them but my Mam was mostly to drunk to check my room out. I lay back and took the first drag and instantly relaxed. I wasn't proud of my smoking but I needed it at this stage of my life.
I threw the butt out the window and headed down the hall to get some breakfast. I grabbed some cereal and a cup of coffee and wolfed it down before making a run for the door. I headed down the street towards the skate park where there was no adults to ask questions just friends and I could always blame my busted lip on skating. As I walked through the gate of the skate park I saw a couple of my friends Ryan, Steven, and Lewis. I hadn't befriended anyone I wasn't attracted too since before last year. I found it hard not to be really nice to the kids I was attracted to. Ryan was short with black hair that had been dyed blond but the dark roots still stood out leaving a cool effect, Steven was average height with short brown hair with blond highlights and Lewis was short with blondish hair and a really high fringe. We high-fived each other like any other day and I rolled into the bowl ollieing into a tailslide along the rim. The others followed with tricks of their own. Ryan was looking really hot today with baggy skate jeans, a pair of Etnies and a wife beater. After a couple of hours of skating the others had to go home. Steven's parents were really strict and he usually was home by 7. I was left alone with Ryan, we continued skating for a while and then he took a fall smacking his knees pretty hard. He looked so cute when he was in pain his face tightened and I could see small tears forming in his eyes. He tried to fight them back but just ended up sniffling loudly as the tears began to stream down his face. I decided to try and save the poor kids dignity
"Ry, It's ok man the fall looked really painful, cry all you want dude."
Ryan smiled back weakly and I stretched out my hand to help him up. When he got to his feet he smiled at me and said
"I have an idea"
He told me that his parents would be gone for a few hours and that they had a full liquor cabinet that they never touched.
"Come on Riley we could top up the bottles with water, come on I don't want to do it alone".
For this guy I would have done anything so I submitted pretty quickly. We walked back to his place, which was about a two-minute walk from the skate park. He pushed his key into the door and turned the lock. I had never been in his house before we were more the kinda friends who hung around outside and in school. It was a nice house and he guided me to a seat while he went to go get a bottle of scotch. We both took it in turns to take swigs and I felt the warmth of the alcohol flow through my body. I hadn't drunk much before and by the looks of Ryan he had drank even less. Ryan was looking pretty rough so I decided to call it quits and flopped down next to Ryan on the chair. Ryan rolled over and looked me straight in the eyes
" I love you man"
I was taken a back but then remembered seeing people acting like this on some reality T.V show when they were drunk,
"Ok dude I love you too"
Ryan sat up in the chair
"Riley I'm not joking I love you."
I froze not knowing what to say and I opened my mouth to say something but no words came out just then Ryan leaned over and kissed me. At first it was a regular kiss on the lips but then he gently slipped his tongue into my mouth and slid his hands onto my hips. My mind was swirling from thought to thought. What was going on? I was always so sure Ryan was straight, not that I had asked him or anything but I just kinda assumed. Ryan climbed on top of me and arched downwards moving his tongue around my mouth. I was in ecstasy this hot guy on top of me but then I started to wonder if I was taking advantage of a drunk kid.
"Ryan I can't do this now, If you feel the same way when your sober then we can do something but I just can't do this when your drunk"
I wanted so badly to stay in case this was just a drunken thing but I dragged myself up and headed for the door as I closed the door I heard something which made my heart jump
"I'll see you tomorrow then Riley."
Maybe I'd still have some fun with him.