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riding on the range

Chapter Four

January 21 2007

I threw one last shovelful of dirt on top of the grave, then turned and headed towards the house. I was in a bit of a daze since Cannibal had died the day before. It seemed so weird that I would never see him again.
He had died in the truck on the way to Calgary.

I stumbled in the front door and into the kitchen, flopping down onto a chair at the table. Tyler came in from the other room and sat down across from me. He held my hands in his, stroking the back of my hand with his thumb.

“Hey baby. You feel okay?” he asked.

I slowly looked up at him and stared at him for a minute, still in a daze. “Yeah I guess I’m doing okay. I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that Cannibal’s gone forever.” I finally replied.

Tyler smiled a little bit as he stood up, came over, and hugged me. He kissed my cheek, hugged me again, then told me we should go to bed. I didn’t really respond, I just kind of mumbled and stood up and stumbled down the hall. I collapsed onto the bed without even taking my clothes off.

I felt Tyler lay down beside me and he wrapped one arm around my front, pulling me close to him. I quickly fell asleep, completely worn out from the day. Tyler was rubbing my stomach with his hand as I drifted off to sleep.

* * *

When I woke up it was really bright out and the sun was shining through the window right in my eyes so I was blinded for a second. When I finally regained my vision I sat up and noticed two things. First of all Tyler wasn’t there. My wonderings as to his whereabouts were answered by the other difference. There was a little tray lying on the nightstand beside my bed with some toast, a cup of coffee, and an orange on it. There was also a note from Tyler.

Good morning baby,

I hope you slept well. I made you some breakfast and I fed the horses, so you can stay in bed as long as you want.

I wish I could tell you something to make you feel better about Cannibal dying. I feel so bad that you’re hurting and I can’t do anything to stop it. I just want to wrap you up in my arms and hold you tight until all the hurt is gone.

I realized something this morning. Me being hurt by you being hurt was what finally made me realize it. I have really strong feelings for you Josh. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be without you again. I think I love you.

I stopped reading and stared at the paper. I couldn’t believe what I had just read. I felt tears welling up in my eyes as I read that last paragraph over and over again. I started sobbing and tears fell all over the note. I placed it back on the tray and buried my face in the pillow as I started to outright cry. I couldn’t understand why I was crying like this.

I never cry. Ever. But reading those words made me burst into tears like a little baby. I bawled into the pillow for another minute before I finally managed to calm down. I sobbed a few more times as I sat back up on the bed. I reached for the note again and continued reading it.

I know it probably seems silly that I am committing to such a big emotional attachment just like that. But I have felt that way for a long time, even before I knew there was a chance you could feel the same way about me. Ever since I first realized I was gay I knew I felt so strongly about you. I didn’t realize that it was love until this morning. But now I see that.

I don’t expect you to love me back, at least not right away. I certainly don’t want you to say it if it’s not true. Until you decide whether you love me or not I’m going to stay right here with you, showing you how much I love you.

I don’t want you to feel like you need to feel anything at all towards me just because I do towards you. I want you to be happy, no matter what I have to suffer through. If you just want me as a good friend I’m cool with that. Just tell me what you want and I’ll make it happen.

I hope you feel better soon. Until you do I’m going to keep doing whatever I can to make you feel better. I love you so, so, so much and I hope you’ll realize that you love me too.

Love Tyler

I felt more tears coming up in my eyes. I blinked them away and bit my lower lip as I reread the note three more times. I couldn’t believe what Tyler was telling me.

I was reading the note again when there was a soft knock on the door. I looked up as Tyler opened the door a sliver and poked his head inside. I stared at him with red puffy eyes and started crying again. He saw the note in my hand and his eyes got misty. He opened the door and came over to where I was sitting on the bed. He sat beside me and hugged me tightly, softly pecking me on the forehead.

“Oh baby. I’m sorry for writing that. You’re already emotional. I shouldn’t have forced my feelings on you. But I wanted you to know how much I love you.” He said

“It’s okay Tyler. I’m glad you told me, if that’s how you feel. I’m not sure I’m ready to say the same, but I’m glad you are.”

Tyler smiled through his tears and kissed my forehead again. I turned and hugged him back and kissed him on the lips. Then I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes as he stroked my back. We kissed again and stood up. I pulled my shirt over my head and grabbed another from the closet. As I was sliding it on I noticed Tyler staring at me. I blushed and turned away as I pulled the shirt down. Tyler came up behind me and slid his arms under mine and around my chest. He kissed the back of my neck and asked what was wrong.

“I don’t know.” I replied. “I just don’t like it when people watch me change. Even you.”

“Hey that’s okay. Everyone has little issues like that. I don’t care.”

I smiled and grabbed his hands with mine, interlacing my fingers in his, and Tyler rested his chin on my shoulder. We stared out the window for a minute, not talking, just holding each other.

After about ten minutes I lowered Tyler’s arms from my chest and turned around. I hugged him and kissed him several times. I rested my head on his shoulder, breathing in the spicy scent of his cologne. Tyler stroked my back with one hand and held my head with the other.

“Josh” he whispered in my ear “I love you.”

“I know.” I replied for lack of a better response.

He kissed my cheek and squeezed me tightly. We hugged for another minute then broke apart. We stared into each others eyes for a few seconds, then kissed again.

* * *

The following Thursday Tyler left for B.C. His family was having a reunion in Kelowna and he was going to be gone for two whole weeks! I was totally pissed off at myself because his parents had invited me to come three months earlier and I had said no. I asked Tyler if they still had room for me, but he had told me they already had hotel rooms booked and stuff.

Not much happened during the first week, I mostly just hung out with Max and Keifer. Keifer and I went to a concert on Saturday, but it was pretty lame. Other than that my life was pretty boring without Ty. Until Keifer’s cousin came to visit.

I was at Max’s house on Wednesday afternoon and we were on his deck playing our guitars. We played together quite a bit, just fooling around and stuff. We were in the middle of some song Max had written when Keifer’s jeep pulled up the drive. He stopped near the house and got out, followed by the most gorgeous boy I have ever seen.

This guy almost made me moan he was so sexy. He had baby-blue eyes and sun bleached blonde hair that created this innocent boy next door image. He was probably six foot two or three, about average weight, and was really toned. He was wearing a long-sleeved shirt, but I could still tell that this guy had a great body.

His cheekbones were perfectly placed in his face to give him this constant sexy pout look that just made you melt. His curled blonde hair looked very similar to Keifer’s, except it looked like it had seen a comb recently. He had gleaming white teeth that were perfectly aligned, which he showed off from his constant grinning. And he had delicious pink lips that begged to be kissed.

Keifer said something to me as he walked up the steps to the deck, but I was so focused on this hunk in front of me I didn’t hear a word he said.

“What was that Keifer?” I mumbled, still half staring at his cousin.

“I said, I want to introduce you to my cousin, Hayden. He lives in Regina and he’s staying with my family for a couple of weeks.” Keifer replied.

“Oh.” I said stupidly. “Uh, nice to meet you Hayden.” I shook his hand and stared at him as long as I dared.

He shook hands with Max as well, then sat down next to me. Even though he was on the other end of the bench I could smell his cologne. I had to stop myself from moaning again; he even smelled gorgeous! I mean other guys can smell good, but you could just tell from his scent that he was sexy.

We talked for a while and had a few beers, but I excused myself after about an hour because I needed to get home and phone Tyler. I hadn’t talked to him for two days and I was getting kind of antsy. I told the other guys I had to check on one of our horses and quickly left the deck.

I waited until I had driven a mile down the road before I let myself moan and think about Hayden. I felt really bad about having the hots for this guy, especially since Tyler had just confessed his love for me not a week before. I convinced myself that Tyler would have thought exactly the same thing about this guy and shrugged off my guilt, but it was still festering in the back of my mind.

I dialed Tyler’s cell number while I was driving home, and waited four rings before he picked up. I heard him laughing as he said hello and I immediately missed seeing his smile. I was picturing him laughing and smiling and I started to cry. He said hello again and I snapped back to reality.

“Hey cutie. What’s up?” I said.

“Oh hey man.” He replied. “I’m good.” He paused for a second and kept talking. “Yeah I’m in B.C. right now, at this family thing.”

“You can’t talk right now?” I asked.

“Yeah I’ll call ya when I get home.” He hung up before I could say anything else.

It kind of sucked that I couldn’t talk to him right then but I certainly didn’t want his family to know about us. I sighed, closed my phone, and put it back in my pocket. I clicked the radio on and tried not to think about Hayden, which was really hard.

I finally reached my driveway and parked right in front of the house. I wasn’t supposed to park there, but my parents were both gone on business trips for a few days. They were almost always on trips somewhere; my dad was a semi-big lawyer and my mom was a stock broker so they were always busy. Our farm was more of a hobby than anything, which was why we only had a few horses and chickens.

I wandered over to the barn to check on the horses, mostly because I was bored. I had fed them that morning so they were fine, but I needed to check anyway. Dusty was pregnant, so I needed to check to make sure she wasn’t going into labor. She wasn’t.

I was brushing Bandit, my horse, when the phone on the wall started to ring. I practically ran to it, I was so desperate to talk to Tyler. It wasn’t him; it was some woman from the phone company offering “great new long distance plans”. I quickly ended the conversation and hung up the phone angrily. I had barely set the phone back on the hook when it rang again. This time it was Tyler.

“Hello” I said, sort of pissed off.

“Hey baby.” He replied. I could tell he was smiling when he said hi.

“Oh hey” I said, instantly cheering up. “How are you?”

“Good, you?”

“Bored out of my mind, but good otherwise.”

He laughed at that. “Well why aren’t you hanging out with the other guys?”

“Well actually, Keifer’s cousin is visiting him. I had to leave because I couldn’t stand his hotness anymore.” I sort of laughed.

“Oh really.”

“No seriously dude, you would drop your jaw if you saw this guy.”

“Well I can in a few days. I’m coming home early!” I could tell he had been bursting to tell me.

“Oh that’s great honey. When are you gonna get here?”

“I’m taking the bus to Picka on Sunday night. I should be there about ten-thirty. You wanna pick me up?” He asked.

“I’ll there with bells on.” I replied.

“Great. My parents won’t be back till Thursday, so we can have plenty of time to catch up.” He said sexily.

“So, uh, what are you gonna do to me?” I asked.

“Well first I’m gonna kiss every square inch of your body, after I get you naked of course. Then I’m going to suck your tasty cock till my lips are sore.”

“Mmmm baby, that sounds nice.” I whispered. I sat down on a square bale beneath the phone and stretched out on my back. I groped my cock and pictured Tyler’s naked body pressed against mine.

“Then, when I’ve got you at my mercy, I’m gonna fuck you.”

I moaned. “Oh baby, really?”

“Oh yeah, hard and fast baby.”

I moaned again and closed my eyes. I had been waiting for Ty to fuck me ever since we had first done it. Every time we had screwed around (which was only actually three times) he wouldn’t fuck me, because he wasn’t sure we were ready yet.

“Oh fuck honey; I’ll be counting the seconds.” I moaned.

“Alright well…hold on…oh shit. I gotta go babe, someone’s coming. See you Sunday.”

“See you sexy.” I said just before he hung up.

I hung the phone up and laid back down on the bale. I unbuttoned my jeans and pulled out my dribbling cock and started to stroke it. I was picturing Tyler naked and imagining myself sucking his giant cock. I was so excited to get plowed by his log I almost came right then. I unbuttoned my shirt and tossed it to the floor of the barn as I slid my pants and boxers down to my ankles.

I managed to drag it out for a few more minutes, continually picturing Tyler in different sexy poses. I groaned loudly as I hit my climax and I leaned back down as I shot jiz all over my bare chest. Just as I hit the peak of my orgasm Hayden flashed into my mind, naked and sexy. I found myself moaning his name in place of Ty’s as I finished shooting.

I laid there panting and worn out. It was bothering me that I kept picturing other guys when I was having sex with Tyler, or when I was jacking off. I certainly thought Hayden was sexy but I wanted Ty even more, so I couldn’t understand it. I laid there thinking about it for quite awhile until it started to get dark. I dressed and headed inside.

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