“Oh my God,” I said. “I couldn’t have asked for it to go better.”
“For what to go better?” Scott was there at the doorway. Oye!
Deanna winked at me and said to him, “Mikey here just came out of the closet to his parents. He told them he likes playing the skin flute!”
Now Scott, who was standing there taking a sip of his water, blew it out all over Deanna and I and choked a bit.
“It’s ok Scotty, Deanna’s forgotten to take her Zoloft today. She’s still busting my balls from earlier this afternoon. Y’all coming?” I asked, leaving the deck and going back inside. On a second thought as I walked by Scott I smacked his ass again. “Much tighter baby!” I said.
“I was hoping you’d do that again,” he said with a smile. Perfect teeth! Fucker!
I shook my head laughing as we all went downstairs, followed by several cameramen, and headed over to Rhett's.
* * * * * * * * * * *
We all got to Rhett’s and the girls were ok but I think that Freddie and Charlie were sort of nervous. As we headed for the entrance they kept looking around to check out the scene. I don’t think that it was quite like they’d imagined; they were probably thinking of guys in leather like you’d see at Folsom. I threw an arm around each of them and said, “Hey, you’ll be ok. I don’t think any of them bite. At least not at first.” At this they each looked at me. I laughed, “Guys, guys! Calm down, I’m just kidding! The girls will protect you.” They both laughed at this, but I still think that they were….out of sorts….to say the least.
Scott held the door open as the girls, then Freddie, Charlie and myself went in. The place was pretty crowded since it was Saturday night. As we headed over to the bar I saw a friend of mine. Here we go.
“Mike, how’s it goin’” he waved.
“Jack,” I said.
Then there was someone else calling me. “Yo, Mikey, how it is, my man.”
“Paul, how’s it goin’, y’all doin’ alright?” Yeah, this was all I needed. More recognition.
“Shee-itt” he replied.
“Mike, what’s up baby,” this time from Jill, who’s technically still Jack, but she’s almost there….if you know what I mean.
“Well shugah,” I said in my southern drawl, “ain’t you just lookin’ so fahhn.”
“Honey, forget about me, who’s the hunk you’re with,” she said, pointing to Scott.
“I’m Scott,” he said, holding his hand out to shake.
She took it and said, “Nice hands.”
“Now, now Jill, Scotty’s never been here before,” I separated her hand from his, “let’s not scare him off.” She laughed a throaty laugh and walked off.
We slowly made our way closer to the bar when all of a sudden I felt myself being lifted into the air. A really large bald guy grabbed me up and spun me around playfully. “Mike,” he said in a deep gravelly voice, “where ya been at, ho?”
“Ugg. Buster, put me down. I can’t breathe,” I laughed.
“Sorry pal, maybe I should lay off the beer for a while,” he laughed.
“Well, that would depend on who you’re trying to impress,” I said to him. Turning a bit I said, “Buster, this is my friend Scott. Scott, Buster.”
“Nice to meet you, Buster.”
“Scott. Y’all together?” he asked, pointing between us.
“Well, we’re here together,” I said.
Buster leaned over to Scott. “Good luck man, Mikey here’s the most eligible guy around. No one’s had a crack at him.” Great! Thanks Buster.
“Excuse me?” Scott said.
“Ignore him. Buster, I’ll see ya around.”
“Alrighty.” Hey, so my vocabulary is infectious. “You gonna be singin’ tonight, I take it.”
“See ya Buster!” I had to get a drink. We got to the bar and I felt Scott’s hands on my shoulders, playfully massaging them.
“So, you only come here with friends every once in a while,” he said.
“Yep,” I fibbed. “And those are the only friends I have here.” I smiled at him weakly.
Just then the bartender came over, recognized me and said, “Hey Mike, how’s it goin’. Still drinking that Week at the Beach pussy-drink?” he asked smiling.
I looked over at Deanna, who was laughing her ass off. I flipped her a bird and turned to Scott. “Man, I’m tellin’ ya, it’s not what you think.” Scott just grinned.
“How ya doin’ Stan,” I said flatly to the bartender. “Y’all, this is Stan. You have to sweet talk him a little if you want him to even spill a little bit of alcohol into your drinks. Otherwise you might as well drink iced tea.” I gave Stan an eat shit grin.
“So Mike, are these all the people that you told me about; the ones on that show….what’s it called,” Stan said.
“The Reunion Show,” Scott said, moving into my peripheral vision. I couldn’t look at him. Not yet. “I’m Scott” he reached out to shake Stan’s hand.
“Nice to meet ya. You with him or them?” he asked nodding to me.
“Stan, if we wanted to yenter I’d’ve gone to a coffee klatch. We’re here to drink.” I gave him my best smile, which would be worth maybe ten dollars.
“So Mike, any un-lucky guys tonight?” Stan asked.
I laughed out loud. “You are such a shit. Gimme a Jack and Coke….and try to spill a little Jack into the glass.”
“You want me to jack into your glass?” he laughed.
“Ugg. Pig.” I rolled my eyes.
“So, Mikey,” Deanna said with a huge smile.
I interrupted her, “Ok, so I know the bartender too, dammit. Y’all quit bustin’ my balls.” Everyone laughed at that.
“Hey Mike, ya gonna sing tonight?” Stan asked. I just put my head down on the bar.
“Someone shoot me,” I mumbled. Looking back up I said, “Stan. Our drinks?”
He shook his head as he laughed at me, took our drink orders and went to fill them. I was just thinking how great his ass looked when I felt Scott light-heartedly slap me on the back. “Yep, just been here a few times….Mikey. Looks like you don’t have to answer my question from earlier this morning—oof!” I elbowed him in his ribs. “Hey!” he said, laughing.
This got Deanna’s attention. “What question?”
“Nothing, nothing,” I said putting my hands over my ears. “I can’t hear you. LA-LA-LA-LA-LA! Hey Stan, get me the sheet.”
“The sheet?” asked Deanna.
“Song list” I said. I turned to the girls and asked them if any of them knew any B-52’s. Tracy and Samantha said that they did. “Ok, you’re hired.” The three of us put our heads together and picked a song. I went up to the guy doing the karaoke and put in our request. After heading back to the bar I ran into a few other guys I knew. I chatted it up with them for a bit before excusing myself.
I got back to the bar and stood next to Scott and Deanna. “Here’s your drink,” she said. I took a drink of my Jack and Coke and nearly choked. This time Stan had put plenty of Jack in there. It was more potent than I had expected.
“Y’all want anything to eat?” Stan asked us. Charlie and Freddie ordered some sort of appetizers, but the rest of us just had drinks.
Finally about an hour later, and two more Jack and Cokes, the dj called out for myself, Tracy and Samantha to come on up. Once he saw me approaching the stage he called out to the audience “Ladies and Gentlemen, you’ll recognize our local hambone Mike Logan comin’ on up here right now.” Oh shit. Thanks man. “Give Mike what he likes and he’ll give you what you want!” Tracy and Samantha looked over at me as a bunch of guys started changing “Lo-gan, Lo-gan, Lo-gan.” I turned around to look at Scott; he had a gorgeous smile and gave me a thumbs up. I smiled and shook my head, raising my hands as if to say “what?”
As a kid growing up I imitated everyone and everything that I heard. I think that’s one of the reasons when I’m joking around with people or goofing off I use a myriad of characters’ voices. So it should be no surprise that I can sound exactly like Fred Schneider from the B-52’s, and the song of choice for the night was “Love Shack.” The music started and the three of us belted the song out, each of us having a great time. The whole bar seemed to like it as well. We got a really good round of applause when we were done, and all three of us were laughing our asses off.
After I got back to the bar I asked Scott, “So, what’d ya think?”
He laughed and said, “Man, y’all sounded just like the B-52’s. You might give ‘em a run for their money.”
I clapped him on the shoulder, simply because I loved touching him whenever I could, and told him, “I doubt it, but that’s what the liquor’s for – whiskey muscle, baby!”
Freddie, Charlie and Jessica were all talking to Scott. Deanna came over to me as Stan handed me my fourth Jack and Coke. Damn, those are good at knocking you on your ass. Speaking of asses, I took a glance at Scott’s. Hmmmmm. God, I really do love men. I’ll grant you that there are hot women out there, and more and more women get hotter the more I drink, but I just love looking at men.
“Put your eyes back in your head,” Deanna said.
I turned to her and laughed. I was getting good and schnockered. “What can I say?” I said laughing. “That there’s a really nice cushion,” pointing at his tokhes.
She died laughing. “So what was that question he asked you this morning? Anything I should know.”
“You know honey, if I were straight I’d do you in a heartbeat.”
“You crazy damned thing,” she said, which is something I’d heard a lot of these days. “I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or not.”
“I don’t know. I’ve been drinking so anything’s possible.”
“Oh really?” she asked inquisitively.
“Well, almost anything,” I corrected.
“Well what was the question, moron?” The suspense was killing her.
I leaned over and slurred a bit, “He asked me if you were gay.”
“If I was gay?” she looked confused.
“Oopsie! No, he asked ‘are you gay’ to me.” I told her.
“What did you say,” she asked.
“He didn’t say shit to me. Dammit Mike.” He had this big smile on his face and stood there holding his drink.
“Didn’t see you there, hoss! I told you I’d keep ya in suspense, Scotty.” I smiled at him and let my eyes travel across his torso. “And Mr. Dell, why aren’t you hitched? Good lookin’ guy like you….”
He chuckled a bit. “Whatever, Logan. Hey, I thought that nobody else called you that.”
“Nobody that matters calls me that,” I said. I turned to Deanna and said, “Want another song?”
“Yeah, what’cha gonna sing.”
I tossed back the rest of my drink and said, “I’m in the mood for a little Patsy!” I made my way carefully to the dj and put my name on the list. When I got back to the bar I put my hand on Scott’s shoulder and said, teasingly, “Pal, nobody says ‘Logan’ like you do.” I must have really had my guard down or whatever from riding on a really good buzz now.
“I thought you only came here a few times with friends. What else aren’t you telling me,” he said with his drop-dead beautiful smile.
“Why don’t y’all give it up again for Mike Logan. It looks like we’re going to get treated to a little bit of Patsy Cline.” Saved by the dj! I winked and left the group to head up to the stage. This time, having a little bit of whiskey under my belt I sang “Walking After Midnight.” Everyone always likes this song and I can actually do it pretty well. I just throw a bit more of country twang into my voice and it works out alright.
The crowd really liked that one and I headed back to my place beside Scott. Hmmmm. That had a nice ring to it. “Well, what’d you think?” I asked them.
“Dude you can really hump out a tune,” Freddie said.
I busted out laughing at that. “I’ve never quite heard it said like that, but thank you hoss!” All of us kept on drinking and eating. By this point I needed something in my stomach so I started eating chips and whatever. “Heya Scotty boy! Why don’t you get your ass up there and sang!”
“I don’t think so.”
“Oh come on, do it for….Deanna!” She laughed at this.
“Nope, not even for her,” he grinned.
“Chicken-shit!” I said with a laugh.
“You know Mike, you seem to take the stage rather easy,” Charlie said.
“Oh now, it’s all because of my friend Jack Daniels.” I laughed at that. I know y’all must think that I laugh a lot….well, I do, but more so when I’ve been drinking. I’m just the funniest person in the world!
Scott, Deanna and I were hanging together most of the night. A few times when they’d take a break on the karaoke they’d play some awesome dance music. Please, ever hear bad dance music in a gay bar? Me neither. I’d go out with the chicks and we’d throw down. A couple of the guys would come too, but for some reason wouldn’t dance with me. Go figure. At one point in the evening I was really...just...torqued and was ready to do anything. I had the balls for it. I decided to answer Scott’s question from that morning. Just one thing to do first. I went back to the dj and got my name on the list for one more song. It took him a while but he found it; then he told me that I’d be first up for the next set which would be in a couple of minutes.
I headed back to everyone and ran into Buster. He was really a hot daddy. He asked me a bit about Scott and I just smiled and said, “Hands off, pal.”
“Well, if you don’t take ‘im, I’ve got dibs.”
“You know, sadly, I don’t think we pray at the same church! I think he’s straight.”
“Mike, all men are straight when they’re horny.” He pinched my ass. “At least a part of them is.” He laughed at his own joke as I moved away a bit. He looked over my shoulder and said, “You know Mikey, something tells me that he’s onto you.”
“Dear God, I wish he would be!”
He laughed again and said, “What I mean to say is that….well, you may be in luck.” Leaning in closer he said, “The dude hasn’t taken his eyes off of you.”
Huh. “Well that’s my cue Buster. Lemme get back to the group.”
“Hey Mike, when are ya gonna give it up already?” Yeah, he was drunk.
I thought about it and said, “As soon as Scott asks.” I think I surprised myself, but then again I was drunk.
“YES!” Buster hollered and several guys looked our way. I laughed and walked off to join the others.
“What was that about,” Scott asked when I got back.
“Oh, just Buster. He keeps thinking he’ll have a chance to nail me someday.” Scott just laughed.
“By the way,” I said, “that question you asked me?” Now I had his attention.
He nodded. I leaned in towards him and, putting my arm around his shoulders, said in a quieter voice: “The one that you asked if I’m gay.” I noticed that his breathing was a bit quicker. Or maybe it was the booze. “You said that it wouldn’t matter, right?” I was more talking into the side of his head; he faced the bar. He nodded. I wanted to say something coy like, ‘if I wasn’t before I am now that I’ve met you,’ but figured that was a dumb-ass line to lay on someone. Instead I got my lips right up to his neck. Now he was definitely breathing heavy. I said, “Scotty, pal, the answer is….yes.” I stood back to watch his reaction. He took a deep breath and turned to face me. “Well, you got your answer,” I said, raising my eyebrows and grinning.
Time stopped. Oh fuck fuck fucking fuck! Had I really told him? Apparently I did and it was ok, because he broke out into this amazing smile.
But it was interrupted by the dj: “One more time everybody, welcome Mike Logan up to the stage.” I winked at him, again, and headed up to the stage.
“Hi y’all doin’!” I hollered. I was greeted with whoops and hollers. “Y’all crazy bitches. Hey, I’ll bet that you’ve noticed that the group I’m here with has been followed around be a few cameras?” I pointed towards the bar, Scott was just still smiling like a little boy. “Well, we’re on some kind of television show, or we will be, where they put us in an apartment and tape us for the five weeks leading up to our ten-year high school reunion. Well y’all know how I like an audience.”
At this they started “Lo-gan, Lo-gan, Logan”. I laughed; “Oh doggies, I tell you!”
“Well,” I continued, “I decided that twenty seven years was long enough, and I called my folks and told them that I’m gay.” This really got a round of applause. For some reason gay guys are thrilled when other gay guys “come out.”
“They said that they already knew,” which drew laughter from the bar. I looked over and I think that Freddie and Charlie must’ve passed out. Scott still was smiling, ear to ear. “I asked them ‘how did you know’ and they said because my friends were girls and I liked Barbra Streisand.” More laughter from the crowd.
“And so, this next song is a standard that she sang, and I’d like to sing it. It’s called Taking A Chance On Love.” When I said this I looked dead into Scott’s eyes.
I’m not a huge fan of my own voice, especially when I sing a serious song, and I always have to focus on something, or someone. Guess who I focused on. Well, it wasn’t Buster!
The music started medium and easy with strings:
“Hear I go…again” at this point I’m nervous.
“I hear those trumpets blow again
All aglow again
Taking a chance on love
(building a bit vocally now)
Here I come again,
I’m gonna make things hum again
Taking a chance on love
(building a bit more going into the bridge)
I walk around with a horseshoe,
In clover I lie.
And brother rabbit, of course,
You’d better kiss your feet….goodbye
(building with a key change)
All on the goal again
I’m riding for a fall again
I’m gonna give my all again!
Takin’ a chance….(quieter now) on love.”
All gay guys love Streisand so the applause was loud. And what is it about her anyhow? Oye, who knows. I was done singing for the night and I walked back to the bar.
Freddie was the first to speak. “Mike, you’re gay?” Everyone laughed.
Jessica said, “Uh, yeah Freddie, we sort of picked up on that when everyone in the bar seemed to know him.”
“Wow,” he said.
This time I laughed. “Don’t worry Freddie, I’ll kiss you before I nail you,” referring to when we first met in the guys’ bathroom in the studio. He picked up on it and had to laugh too.
I felt a presence behind me and turned to see Scott standing there. God had made him so good looking. I wanted to kiss him then but I wasn’t that drunk. “Well, what’d you think?”
He waited a moment, then he put his hand on my shoulder and said, “Does everybody want to go back to the studio? I think I’ve had a really full evening.”
Deanna said, “Are you sure you don’t just want Mike?” and she laughed hysterically.
“Drunk spaz,” I said.
“Nah, I’m kinda beat and I’m ready to hit the hay,” he said back. We paid our tab and headed out the door; Scott held it open for everyone and I was the last out. The others were a bit ahead of us so there was one cameraman on us.
“You are a very brave man, Mike Logan,” he said. “Braver than I am.”
“Nah, I bet you’re pretty brave.”
He stopped walking and I turned to look at him. “I repeat, you’re braver than I am,” this time he said it a bit more exact. Then he raised an eyebrow and cocked his head a bit.
I was drunk but if I understood him right, and he was telling me what I think he was….”Well, maybe you’ll be just as brave someday?” looking up at him.
He looked up and beyond me for a second. Finally he said, “Someday. Maybe someday.”
“Works for me,” I said as we turned to walk back to our cars. I grabbed his ass and said, “God Damn that’s a great ass.”
He laughed and knocked my hand away. “You’re such a nut!”
“Don’t you forget it.” God, I was so friggin’ happy.
* * * * * * * * * *
“Taking A Chance On Love”
Re-released 10/29/1993 on Columbia CD 057379 (1CK57379 )
Barbra Streisand/The Third Album
All rights reserved, Columbia/Sony Records.