When I talk about my experiences, someone will often approach me and say, ďBut I know someone whoís changed.Ē I even sometimes talk to those who tell me they have succeeded. But I know far more people who have abandoned any semblance of spirituality simply because they couldnít beat this thing, and God didnít seem at all interested in helping them. Because of the rhetoric in the church today, they donít believe that you can be spiritual and be gay at the same time.
But, as I talked about earlier, letís look at this thing called the hard drive. It has been noted that there is a spectrum of sexuality.
The Gay Scale
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Gay Bi Straight
Depending on where you are on this line I think has a lot to do with how successful youíre going to be at any attempt to change. Those in the middle of the Gay/Straight line can focus their attention to one side or the other, and they can live there comfortably for quite some time. They would be what we called bi-sexual.
Others find that they would like to experiment and see what itís like, but thatís just because theyíre a little further away from ďstraightĒ on the scales. But there are also those of us who are definitely on the ďgayĒ side of this spectrum. Iíve seen interviews with those who have claimed they have changed (there arenít very many, but there are a few) and they always seem to be closer on the scale toward straight. But Iíve also read many reports by those who thought they had changed and then all of a sudden they uprooted their families and tore their lives apart because they just couldnít ďcontinue to live a lie.Ē Itís the beach ball syndrome. You see, when you take a beach ball, which is your personality, that person that is you, your soul if you will, and you hold it under water, itís going to fight to come out. And there are only a couple of options that you really have. One is to fight it with all you might, but sooner or later itís going to come out, or the other is to pop the beach ballÖ kill it. And thatís whatís happening with those who have tried so hard to change. Only this time, unfortunately, there were other people involved.
I read a book very early on in my life as a Christian called ďBeyond Rejection,Ē and the man who wrote it claimed that he was raped by his step father. As a result, he too found himself gay. But in reality, I donít think thatís how it worked. What I hear most often about child abuse and molestation, is that the child perpetuates the abuse continually in their development as they grow and mature. That means if a child was raped by a same-sex parent or adult, then the child may perpetuate that abuse for many years, trying to deal with all the emotions that were present during the experience. In which case, as the abused adult seeks help and works through those issues, their true sexuality will be restored to them. Notice what I said here. Their true sexuality will be restored.
Just about every gay person Iíve ever talked to tells me the same thing. They all knew they were different by the age of ten and before. Like I said earlier, itís not a choice, itís a discovery. When I was in on particular group of reparative therapy, I had a leader named Mickey (obviously not his real name). Mickey was leading a group of x-gay men (and some women); he had two boys that he adopted as young babies who were now teenagers. He was happily married and had been for many years.
So as I go through this explanation with people, they respondóďBut Mickey did it. Heís successful. Heís a father with two teenage boys. He leads an Ex-Gay group and helps others overcome their sexuality. That means heís been successful for at least that long.Ē
Mickey used to tell a story during our meetings about something that happened between him and his mom. When his mom found out that he was gay, she stood in the middle of the room and tore up his picture, and announced to him that Mickey was no longer her son. Mickey cried and said ďIíll change mama, I promise.Ē
Mickeyís mom has been dead for some time, but based on what Iíve heard about his relationship with her, it was intricate. I think thereís a lot more going on around that issue, and I donít know if Mickey has dealt with that or not. But by his own admission though, Mickey has said often that he has to avoid Seattle (especially the Capitol Hill Area) and he encourages others to do so.
Thereís no need to argue with those who either have changed, or just think theyíve changed. It doesnít threaten me that they might have accomplished something that I couldnít accomplish. After all, I will never play basketball like Michael Jordon, even though Michael Jordanís genius was definitely a serious of choices.
Itís the mother/fatherís fault!