I chickened out. I didn’t go to the doctor. Christian fussed at me for a while, but eventually he gave up. I did a better job of hiding my depression from him, and after a few weeks, I began to feel better. Of course, I had started tricking again fairly regularly. I guess I had simply resigned myself to my fate.
It was around that time that I discovered cyber sex. Like I said, Christian was going to school three nights a week to earn his MBA. With all that time on my hands, I had plenty of opportunity to get into trouble. I thought these chat room were the perfect solution. Cheating, without cheating. I mean, you know, no physical contact so what was the harm?
Well, obviously, I knew that Christian wouldn't approve. I went to great lengths to cover my tracks. Even though we each had our own computer, I was convinced that he would need to borrow mine for some reason and discover what I had been doing during my spare time.
After a few months beating off in front of a computer screen lost its novelty and I wanted more. I began making arrangements to meet these men out in person. This really had opened a whole new world for me. Now I had a smorgasbord of men to choose from available to me twenty-four hours a day. It was too good to be true.
Little did I know of the trouble to come. I had had a few good cyber romps with Hot4U911 when he suggested that we meet up for real. I was game, but first he had to agree to my rules. No names, no phone numbers. It was a one-time deal, and after this hook up there would be no more meeting up for cyber sex. Once I had you, I was done with you. His reply read, “Sure, whatever.” I took that as an agreement. Foolish me.
We met at a seedy hotel on the other side of town that I frequented just for this sort of thing. They knew me as John Jones and as I always paid in cash, they never asked any questions.
He was cute enough, nothing special but not bad for a cyber twink. I found that if I really wanted a looker I had a better chance anywhere but online. Still he had a sweet face and a slender frame.
After I had given him the fucking of his lifetime and we were getting dressed he asked me for my name. “I told you the rules,” I said.
“Just tell me your first name then.”
“No.” I know I could have just as easily made up a name and made him happy, but that wasn’t the point. I had explained my rules before we met up and he had agreed.
He tried to hand me a piece of paper. “I said no numbers.”
“In case you change your mind.”
“I don’t change my mind.” The little shit was pissing me off.
He shrugged and headed toward the door and said, “I thought we made a connection here tonight.”
“No, we just fucked. That’s all.” I know I was cold, but freaks that think one-night stands are going to turn into a relationship need to have their eyes opened.
I was on my way home when my cell phone rang. The display showed Christian’s face. “Hello,” I answered.
“Hey, where are you? I just tried to call you at the house.”
Busted. “Um, I went out for a milkshake.”
“Yeah, I was watching TV and a commercial came on for the Dairy Mart. It sounded good, so I figured, what the hell. I’m on my way home now.”
“You want me to go back and get you one?”
“No, I just wanted to tell you that I was going to go have coffee with a couple of guys in my class.”
“Well, have a good time.”
“You don’t mind, do you?”
“Of course not. See you when you get home.”
We rang off and I wondered why I was allowed to get away with this. There were so many times that Christian should have caught me, but something always seemed to happen to prevent him from finding out. Maybe Christian had some kind of karma that kept him from getting hurt; but if that were true fate would have kept him from meeting me in the first place. Whatever the reason I got away with my crime yet again and was showered and lying in bed when Christian came home and snuggled up next to me.
For the next few weeks Hot4U911 kept sending me messages whenever I was online. At first I would tell him to fuck off, then I tried ignoring him. Finally I changed my screen name, which was a real pain in the ass, but it did get rid of Hot4U911, or so I thought.
Two or three weeks later Christian and I were out at a little outdoor café, enjoying the Mediterranean cuisine when some one approached our table. At first I didn’t recognize him, I mean, after a while all the faces sort of blend together.
“Hey, remember me?” he said standing there, looking at me.
“Sorry, you must have me mistaken for someone else,” I said, keeping my face as neutral as I could.
“No, I don’t. We hooked up a few weeks back.”
“I’m afraid I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I answered, refusing to look at him, instead watching Christian’s look of amazement; his head turning first to the intruder, then to me. I could see the question in his eyes, begging me to tell him it wasn’t true.
“Yeah, and you had all these rules about no contact afterwards.”
‘So why the fuck are you here?’ I so wanted to say, but instead I pushed my chair back and looked up at the guy. “Listen Buddy, I don’t know who you think I am, but who ever it is, you’re mistaken. Now if you don’t mind…”
He eyed me for a moment then nodded and turned to Christian. “So does he know the rules, or is he the reason for them?”
“Fuck off.” That came from Christian’s mouth. “He said he doesn’t know you.”
“Whatever,” Hot4U911 said and walked away, muttering something under his breath.
“Asshole,” Christian snorted.
“Yeah, some people’s children,” I added.
I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Christian to ask me if I had really slept with that guy, but he never did.
For the next few weeks I would catch him watching me; we would be out eating somewhere or sitting at home watching TV and I would feel his gaze on me. When I would look at him he would simply grin and look away. I don’t know for sure what he was thinking, but my conscience was starting to get to me. I hadn’t hooked up with anyone since the confrontation at the café; I knew when it was time to lay low for a while.
I was just hoping he wouldn’t ask me straight out. I didn’t want to lie to him, but I also knew I couldn’t tell him the truth. He would never forgive me and I can’t imagine my life without him.
I never went back to any of those websites after that. Once burnt. See, I knew it was too good to be true.