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around my way


By Maddy A -

February 2005

I was glad it was Saturday because I'd planned to sleep in late, but Aunt Mickey had other plans. She said that we hadn't spent anytime together and that she wanted to spend the weekend with me. I didn't want to go anywhere, but being the people pleaser that sometimes I am, I agreed to go along. She told me bring a change of clothes as I got up and got ready. After I had a quick shower and a lite breakfast, we left. We hit the New Jersey turnpike around 9:00a.m. and drove for three hours. Aunt Mickey drives a blue jeep truck that makes her look even smaller than she is. I hated being surprised and tried to get her to tell me where we were going, but it was to no avail The longer we drove, the further out into the farmlands we went. It reminded me of when my parents, Dan and Jamie, use to take me camping every summer growing up. In the winter, dad and I would sometimes take weekend trips to camp without mom. He called it "man bonding." I was only eleven, but on those weekends I felt like a man. God, I missed them so much. I thought that I was doing good with dealing with every thing, but I guess I really wasn't. They had been gone for over a year now. Maybe if we had a proper funeral for them, I would be able to get over them. Their bodies were never recovered. In fact, no bodies of any of the passengers on the tour bus were ever recovered. At least I could hold out some hope and think that they were still alive somewhere, but I would only be fooling myself. With all the things that I've been through in my life, I learned one thing: never hope for anything. Whatever good you may hope for, can and will in my case, be taken away.

After spending the whole morning in the car, we finally arrived. New Jersey has a lot of beautiful campgrounds. Aunt Mickey told me that we would be staying up there for the entire weekend. Near the cabin, there was a large lake surrounded by a pine forest, it was a really nice and scenic. The beauty of nature that only camping can allow you to experience. We got out of the car and went to the main house to check in. The front desk clerk was a white guy who looked to be in his late twenties and looked like your typical Italian tough guy. He had curly, dark hair and dark eyes. He stood almost a foot taller than me, was well built and I found him very attractive. Aunt Mickey ran back to the car to get our reservation papers and I stayed there with him. You could look at him and tell that he came from a small town just by the way he dressed. It's something about people from small towns that let you know, that their from small towns. The way he was eyeing me made me a bit nervous though. He was eyeing me a little too close for my comfort. I gave him a quick smile, but he didn't return it. He kept looking at me, not saying anything. All I needed was some racist asshole to give me shit and my day would be complete.

We got our key and luggage and headed to our cabin to get ourselves settled in. The cabin, if you could call it that, was only big enough to sleep three people. It was one room structure with a set of bunk beds and a full size bed. A communal shower was up the road about half a mile. We took our time getting settled and Aunt Mickey made us something to eat. We talked a little bit about this and that, nothing in particular at first, but then she started getting a little serious.

I love my Aunt Mickey, I really do, but she's not someone I can talk to easily. We'd been living together for over a year, but I couldn't remember us ever having a deep conversation about anything substantial. She would try and talk about how I was feeling, about my parents and what was going on with me the first few months after they died. I never would give in and she didn't press me. I think it hurt her to talk about them too. Not only did I lose my mom, but she lost her sister and a man who was more like her actual brother than a brother in-law. After we got settled, she looked at me thoughtfully for a moment before she began to speak.

"Chris honey why aren't we closer?" She asked. Her voice was thick with sadness as she asked that question. Wow, I wasn't expecting that. I didn't know how to respond. I could always tell her the truth. I could tell her that I was afraid of losing her too. She was the last thing in this world that I had left to call family. I should be honest and talk to her but what would that accomplish? It wouldn't make me feel better.

"Aunt Mickey we are close." I said forcefully. I wasn't sure if I believed that but I wanted her to.

"You know, honey, I love you, but we are far from being close. I just wish that we were. I love you, I really want you to know that."

"I know and I love you too Aunt Mickey." I was getting worried. "Is there something wrong?" . I asked. The look on her face was one that I hadn't seen since my parents died.

"Everything is fine with me, but I have noticed that you've been more reserved lately. Is there anything on your mind that you need to talk about?" She asked concerned. I wanted so badly to tell her that I missed my parents and my old life. I wanted to tell her about Nate and how intimidated I was by him. I wanted to tell her about Joey and how I had a crush on him, but I wasn't ready to tell her any of that. I didn't know if I ever would but I knew it wasn't going to happen that day.

"There's nothing wrong. I was just nervous about school, that's all." I lied. I was sixteen, what do you expect.

"I thought you said every thing went OK?" Aunt Mickey l asked and ooked at me skeptically.

"It did, I was just nervous about not knowing anybody, but Amanda introduced me around." Mickey smiled when I said Amanda's name. That couldn't be a good thing.

"Amanda, how is she?"

"Uh...he's good." She never asked about Amanda before. 'Oh Boy!', I thought to myself.

"Is she your girlfriend?" Aunt Mickey asked and I nearly choked on my water. I wanted to laugh at her question but I fought off that urge and answered her.

"No, she's just my friend." Aunt Mickey just smiled at me and winked. 'What the hell was that wink about?', I asked myself.

"Well, if you had a girlfriend would you tell me?" She inquired.

"Yeah, I'd tell you." I wasn't lying. If I did have one then she would know. Now, if I had a boyfriend that would be a whole different story. She looked at me expressionless. She asked me if I wanted to go swimming and I agreed. We changed our clothes and went for a swim in the lake. The water was slightly chilly, but the weather was relatively warm for a late September afternoon. After we played around in the water for a while, Aunt Mickey said that she needed a nap. She got out of the water and went back to the cabin but I stayed in. I thought I was the only one out there when I heard a splash come from behind me. I could see no one, but felt something brush against my leg and I got scared. I love to swim, but I hate thinking of what else could be in the water with me. What ever grazed my leg was now grazing my thigh. It was getting a little too close to my "package" and I kicked at it. I turned and pushed myself off ready to swim as fast as I could to the shore. Something grabbed my foot and stopped me. I was in a full state of terror as I splashed and kicked trying to turn myself loose. Then I heard laughter and turned around to see the front desk clerk floating a few feet behind me.

"OH MAN! I thought you were a shark!" I yelled at him.

"Shark? In the middle of a lake?" He teased. I knew that sharks didn't live in lakes but I was in a state of panic. My mind wasn't working right. I laughed with him at me as I introduced myself.

"Hey, I'm Chris." I said.

"I'm Brian. How long you staying up here?" He asked. He was looking all too good. His curly dark hair was wet and trickling water slowly down his well built chest. I had to force my eyes up to meet his so I wouldn't take too many "glances" at his pecks.

"Just until tomorrow." I answered. "Do you live here?"

"Yep. All my life. How old are you?"

"Sixteen. Why? How old do I look?" I asked. I knew he had to have been assuming that I was younger than I really was and I hated when people did that. I was just short, not young.

" No reason, I just thought you were like thirteen, fourteen tops."

"Okay? Thanks for telling me I look like a little kid."

"Oh there's nothing kid-like about you. Not at all." He said in a come hither tone. Okay, I know I am not crazy, but was he just flirting? He swam a little closer to me and put his hand on my thigh. Okay, he was hitting on me. Part of me was turned on by it. I looked at him for a moment, sorta dumbfounded as he moved his hand to the inside of swim trunks. They were baggy so his hand slipped in easily. I didn't know what to do. I looked at him, eyes wide, curious to see what he would do next. He moved his hand further up until he touched the head of my dick! It was soft from the chilly water, but I hardened at his touch. He smiled and asked me if I liked what he was doing. I nodded and he moved closer until his face was inches from mine. He licked his lips as he moved his hand slowly across the tip. I wanted to moan, but I thought that would be embarrassing so I didn't. He leaned in and kissed me. I wasn't ready when he did it so it ended up being sloppy and wet. It grossed me out but he seemed to like it so I went with it. He moved his hand away and I looked at him with confusion. God, I was so horny at that point, he could have sneezed and I would have came. He pulled back and smiled at me and began to swim away. It took me a couple of seconds before I could find my voice.

"HEY! WHERE YOU GOING?" I shouted after him.

"MEET ME IN THE SHOWERS AT 11." He called out as he swam away, leaving me stuck with a hard on and nothing to do about it. I waited until my woody went down before I got out of the water. It was probably for the best that we stopped anyway. I would have died if anyone would have saw what we were doing. I went back to the cabin to find Aunt Mickey basically passed out. I knew she had to be exhausted with all the work she had been doing.

When she finally woke up, she told me that she wanted to talk with me. She told me to come and sit by her on her bed. . I hated it when she did that. It seemed like every time she sat me down to talk, it was always about something that turned my world upside down.

"Chrissie, I have to be honest with you. There's something that I haven't told you. Now, it's not bad; in fact, its good." She said.

"Great! What is it?" I asked. Damn! She used that nick name on me. She only used it to butter me up for something that she knew I wouldn't want to do.

"Well, I am dating someone and it's getting serious. In fact, we are talking about moving in with each other." I sat there in shock. I didn't even know that she was dating anyone. Now she's talking about moving some stranger in my home? She was pissing me off. I swallowed down my anger and spoke calmly to her.

"Who is he?" I asked.

"It's my boss, Roger. He's a great man. I think that you'd like him a lot."

"You've only known him for what, three months?" I stated rather than asked.

"Actually, I've known him for years and when I started working with him, there was just this connection." She smiled and her eyes glazed over as she spoke of him. That was the first time that I had seen her happy in a long time. I didn't know who this Roger guy was, but he had better be nice. It seemed like he might be moving in with us.

"When is he moving in." I asked.

"Nothing is definite yet, but if he did move in it wouldn't be until after January. Are you okay with this?" I looked at her thoughtfully for a moment. I didn't want some stranger living with me, but he couldn't be too bad since Mickey seemed to like him.

"Yeah sure, I guess I have to be. If he makes you happy then that's all that matters. I'm happy for you. Honestly, I am." She thanked me as she hugged me.

"You'll meet Roger very soon. We'll all do dinner so that you can get the chance to know him a little and see why I like him so much." She added. We talked a little more about Roger and then our conversation drifted to talking about nothing in particular over the next few hours before we headed for bed.

Later, as I lay in my bed, I thought about Brian. 'Should I meet him in the showers or not?' I questioned myself. I had a few hours before he told me to meet him. In my head I was screaming to myself not to go. I didn't know this guy. It could be some sort of set up, but what if it wasn't? My hormones let my mind wonder and I began to think of Joey. His eyes, the way he smelled. Thinking about the way he smiled made me grow hard. I couldn't take it anymore. I was horny as fuck. I got up, slipped on my shorts and sneakers and practically ran down the road that lead to the showers, cursing to myself as I made my way there.

The showers were dimly lit by two florescent light bulbs. The room had an almost purple glow to it. There were booths sectioned off to give privacy. I didn't see him in there and I took it as sign to leave. I left thinking that maybe I'd missed him or something. As I was walked down the darken trail that lead to my cabin, I ran directly into him. He smiled when he saw me. I am usually not attracted to guys much older than I am, but he was just so cute. Besides, he wasn't that much older than I was any way.

"Hey, I was just coming to meet you." He said in a sexy baritone voice. Since he was there, I mine as well follow through. I was so nervous. If I hadn't been in need of relief, I would have backed out in a heartbeat.

"Uh...hey. I thought that you forgot or that I missed you.." I stuttered.

"No, never. Want to hit the showers?" He asked and winked.

"Yeah." I answered sorta shyly. He winked at me again as we made our way there. Right as we got to the door, three guys showed up to take their own showers. He muttered a 'damn' and asked me if I wanted to go into the woods. It was completely dark in there. As much as I hate being in the dark he was just too tempting not to follow him. The deeper we went into the woods the more apprehensive I became. What the hell was I thinking I didn't know this guy! He could be some kind of psycho! I was just about to call the whole thing off when we arrived at an old shed. You could tell from it's decrepit condition that it was rarely used. I went in first and he closed the door behind him and I heard the click of a lock. My intuition was telling me that something wasn't right. I heard the sound of heavy breathing. It was coming from all around me. I thought it was only going to be the two of us, but apparently he had brought a few friends. This was a set up. I tried to hide the fear in my voice as I spoke.

"Brian? Where are you?" I asked. He came from behind and wrapped his arms around my waist. He pulled my body close to his and I felt his hard dick press forcefully against my back. I tried to pull away when he spoke.

"Now calm down Chris, buddy. We just want to have a little fun." He said in a voice thick with lust. He began to kiss my neck. What should have been arousing was disgusting me. I squirmed out of his grasp. I couldn't see anything. The room was pitch black and smelled of dust and oil. I don't know where I got the courage from, but I spoke.

"What do you mean "We" just want to have fun? It's supposed to be just you and me." I said.

He let a small chuckle out before responding. "Exactly what I said Faggot! Me and my friends are gonna show you how to have a good time." With that said, I heard a chain being pulled and the light came on. As the room became illuminated, I stood in shock as I saw the faces of three strangers. Brian put his hand on my shoulder and lead me to the center of the shed. It was a small, dirty room. Broken shelves hung on one side of the room and various tools lay thrown around. He introduced me as the faggot he told them about. They said their names were Donald, Jake and Shawn. These were the same guys who were going into the showers a little while ago. IT HAD BEEN A SET UP! Donald was the ugliest thing that I ever saw. He had to be about three hundred pounds and he did not carry it well. He looked like he was in his fifties with his head of greasy gray hair. He had a dirty white sweat shirt on and a pair of too tight shorts. I could see the imprint of his hard penis laying against his leg. Shawn was more attractive. He was the same size as me and looked to be in his thirties. His dark brown hair was cropped in a buzz cut. He had the stance of a military man. Jake looked exactly like Brian and it was obvious that they were brothers. Jake looked to be a few years older than me. Five or six years tops. I knew this was a bad idea. I backed up slowly towards the door. I was going to make a run for it. When I reached the door I saw Donald's large body stood blocking it. Brian came up to me and rubbed his hand down the side of my face. He spoke down to me as if I was a child.

"Now don't be running off. We just gonna have us some fun. You want to have some fun don't you?" He grabbed my crotch and squeezed it as he laughed and told his friends how I was loving it. Their faces all bore the same look of unnatural lust and want. In that moment, they all became Hector. I no longer saw their faces. All I saw were four versions of Hector, standing around laughing and rubbing themselves through their pants. I wanted to cry. I wanted to run away. Why do these awful things always happen to me? Against my will I responded to his touch. He laughed and told me that he knew my faggot ass would like it. He unzipped his pants and pulled out his penis. It was rather large. It had to be at least nine inches. I stood there frozen. I was too afraid to tell him to leave me alone. I was too afraid to move. He looked down at me and told me to suck it. I still didn't move. I thought to myself, 'is this really happening?' I was brought out of my daze with a hard slap across my face. I wasn't prepared for it and I fell to the dirty, dust covered wood floor. Brian called Jake over to help me up. I lost it and started to cry. I turned into Jake's hard chest and cried out of fear of the situation. For a moment I forgot that Jake was apart of the whole thing and I took comfort in his embrace. He rubbed me up and down my back and I began to think of Joey. I thought of his smile and the way that he smelled. His crystal blue eyes, the way they shined when he laughed. I thought about the first time I met him in the Bodega. I thought about how the night I spent with him had been the best night of my life, until the next morning when he played dumb. I knew I must have been crazy with the way I thought about him like that. He was straight and I needed to accept that. But what if he wasn't?

Jake pushed me off him and spoke harshly to me.

"You got your snot and shit on my shirt you fucking faggot! Now I gotta put my cum on yours." All of them laughed. Thinking of Joey helped me find strength. I screamed at them.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY! I'M LEAVING!" Brian came behind me again and pushed me. I stumbled into the large, smelly body of Donald. They pushed me back and forth between them like I was a ping pong ball. The humiliation I was feeling became temporally stronger than my fear. Again, I thought of Joey. He wouldn't take this crap. I ran towards the tools and grabbed a shovel. They laughed at me as Shawn came towards me. He told me to put down the shovel and get on my knees. I lost it as they all began to laugh again. Before I could stop myself, I swung the shovel and hit Shawn across the face. He fell to the floor screaming. There was no blood coming out anywhere but the way he was screaming in agony you would have thought that there was. The others ran to him to help and I saw my chance. I pulled the chain to the light and the room was once again in complete darkness. I ran to the door and panicked when it wouldn't open. Brian's rage filled voice told me that it was locked and he had the key to open it. I heard movement towards me and swung the shovel wildly. I hit someone and heard them scream out. They yelled out "GET THAT NIGGER!" I hit door with the shovel twice before it opened up and I ran out into the woods.

As I ran I felt the cold crisp air dry the tear stains off my shirt and face. I had no idea where I was going. I heard their voices calling out for me. I just kept running. I ran and ran, too afraid to breathe. All I saw were pine trees and black night sky. The air had a faint smoke smell to it. I cried again. 'How did I get myself in this situation'? I asked myself. The further and further I ran, the deeper in the woods I went. I heard the sounds of animals and prayed that I wouldn't see any. I alternated from running to walking fast. I must have been in the woods for hours but I still didn't want to stop, too afraid that somewhere they would be waiting for me. I was cold in my T-shirt and sweat pants. I thanked God that I wore sneakers instead of the shower flip flops like I had planned. The sky began to lighten up and the birds sung their morning lullabies. In the day light it was easier for me to find the trail back to the cabin. I came face to face with a deer and nearly shit myself. Sure they are cute from a distance, but up close those fucking things are scary as hell!

Aunt Mickey was sound asleep when I crept in. I looked at myself and saw a bloody lip and a small scratch above my eye brow. Beside that, every thing else seemed fine. I was so tired. I needed to sleep badly. I threw off my clothes and wiped my face with a wet nap. I crawled into my bed and softly cried myself to sleep with the thoughts of what could have happened to me. Aunt Mickey woke me up around eleven that morning. It was time to check out. I waited in the car to avoid running into Brian as she went into the main house. A tap came across the window and I turned to see Brian scowling at me. He had a large gash that ran from his eye to the top of his lip. I smiled at him and winked. He gave me the finger and was about to say something when Aunt Mickey came back. He walked away and we began to drive off. Aunt Mickey looked happy and cheerfully spoke.

"Well, that was nice. We have to come back here soon." She said with a huge smile transfixed on her small face.

"NO! I mean, I didn't like it there. But I know a better place to go next time." She looked at me funny and continued to drive without making a comment. The further away from that place I got, the safer I felt. I was feeling really at ease by the time we got back to Newark. I had to run into Joey's store for my Aunt and ran into him. He was working behind the counter and smiled when he saw me. He asked me what I did over the weekend and I told him about the camping, leaving out the bad parts. He told me how he hated having to work the weekends at the store but he was thankful that it was only every other weekend. He gave me a free candy bar and as I went to take it, our fingers touched and he blushed as a small smile appeared on his face. I blushed too and turned away so he couldn't see the grin on MY face. We talked for another minute before I heard Mickey honking her horn. I smiled at him and left. As I was walking towards the truck I saw Nate walking past with a few of his gang buddies. All were dressed in white Tee's and had green bandanas hanging from their clothes or on their heads. He looked at me and sneered. He grabbed his dick and nodded at me. I was feeling at ease but after I saw him, that feeling of dread that I was starting to feel all too familiar with around him, returned. My troubles weren't over yet. Not by a long shot................

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