I am a thirty something married gay boy living in Sydney, almost on top of the gay scene but not in it!
Why Sometimes blue?, because I love blue, but also I am sometimes blue :)
Second day of being sick
The rest of yesterday was nasty, mainly because I went from hot to cold, sweating to sweating and my entire body hurt. I've noticed that if I get really sick I tend to tenses my lower back and legs for some reason and subsequently get massive muscle pain.
Apart from pain killers (I only really have paracetamol and ibuprofen) which work for a while and then wear off, steaming hot showers seem to work the best. So in between trying to stretch y back and legs out showers, shaking and generally being in pain I feel like a total wuss.
I hate being ill, it just interrupts everything, no gym, limited work, no yoga and just an overall deadening of the senses, and I like have my senses all fine tuned.
My DR is a funny middle aged Indian man who I have been seeing for about five years, without fail though every time I see him he always asks whether I have seen him before. Ok I don't go all that often but maybe 7 - 8 times in five years for sleeping tablets and the occasional antibiotic when I have been a big wuss and was worried about getting the flu.
The whole thought of me coming down with the FLU is enough to make me want to start popping any anti-anxiety medicine I could get my little mittens on! I have only had the real FLU once in my life, about ten years ago I was bedridden fro two weeks and it took me up to 6 weeks to fully recover.
It was horrible and I never want to go through that again.
Although I am doing pretty well with my panic / anxiety disorder these days, especially since finding a new book written by a former sufferer of panic attacks, I still wanted to get something like xanax etc to help me through some really stressful times.
He is a funny DR, he will prescribe any antibiotic, sleeping tablets or offer medical certificates for stuff, but he will not prescribe me xanax. My fixation on Xanax is I know it works for me when I go into major anxiety mode. Apparently though there has been a huge crackdown on Doctors prescribing XANAX especially around these parts where it is wildly over prescribed to help the clubbing set come down after a long weekend.
I am generally only a Valium liker when I have a really bad back or neck strain as it's the only think that can relax the muscles and help me get some pain relief. But in general I don't like it although I was given some before for a bad panic attack and all it did was knock me out not what I actually wanted.
Instead he has given me something called Ativan which is a benzodiazepine which has been around since the 70's"
Most benzodiazepines are administered orally; however, administration can also
occur intravenously, intramuscularly, or as a suppository. When used as a recreational drug, pills are occasionally crushed and snorted. Well-known benzodiazepines and their primary trade names include alprazolam (Xanax), bromazepam (Lexomil), diazepam (Valium), lorazepam (Ativan), clonazepam (Klonopin), temazepam (Restoril), oxazepam (Serax), flunitrazepam (Rohypnol), riazolam (Halcion), chlordiazepoxide (Librium), flurazepam (Dalmane), estazolam
(ProSom), and nitrazepam (Mogadon).
Source Wikipedia & Wikipedia
I must say it's in some great company! Mogodon, Rohypnol etc.
I took one last night to see what the reaction would be and I have to say it certainly had a nice effect calming me and my muscles down and even with the extremely painful throat I had what I consider a good sleep!
Having an addictive personality and having had some really bad reactions to things like this in the past I am pretty careful about reading the contradictions. The main thing I have been repeated is no alcohol with Ativan is it causes dis inhibition and amnesia lol, personally that sounds like fun.
Like all of these it can be addictive if you use it daily for more than three months every day.
But I really only want to carry some for those times when I can't just stop the anxiety attack from hitting
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