I am a thirty something married gay boy living in Sydney, almost on top of the gay scene but not in it!
Why Sometimes blue?, because I love blue, but also I am sometimes blue :)
Fixated
For my actual birthday on Monday night the boy and I went to my sister's for dinner with my parents. I always find this a stressful as much as I love my family, my sister and parents have become even less in touch with reality as they get older.
I suppose in many ways my family and especially my mother were cushioned from the day to day true reality of life, and her views are very much still based or stuck in the 1950s on most topics.
She still believes that a wife should really stay home, that managers do no work, and that most people work 9-5!
One of my biggest bugbears is her fervent support of John Howard because 'he is such a nice man and he even washes up'. She cannot and will not believe that he lies, and she has this elitist snobbish attitude that drives me bonkers.
My teenage years were very much spent battling my parents (mothers) views and these have been ingrained into my sister now too. Coming out for me was not an easy experience and there is still a great deal of latent homophobia in my family.
In fact my sister who quite frankly should know better accused me 'of being a bit fixated on the whole gay rights issue'.
You can imagine how much that was like waving a red flag at a bull!
Of course I am fixated on the 'gay rights issue'. Equality is an issue that is about as basic a human right for basic respect as you can get.
There are so many issues with my family that just drive me potty, these just being the ones that are most commonly raised.
If you asked my family they would say that they have always been supportive of me. But if you scratched the surface it wasn't support at all, more like coercion, sneaky tactics and more often than not strong arm tactics to get me to do what they wanted.
Unfortunately due to their age and their stubbornness you cannot argue with them, they just either do not listen or do not understand complex arguments (or simple for that matter) anymore.
I had thought as the years had passed and I had grown into adulthood and have been out of the closet now for seventeen or so years that they would get it, but they just don't.
In all of this they are becoming less able to deal with the realities of the world and this fantasy world is being pushed upon my sister too, who at 38 is still waiting to be married so she can be 'complete'. (because there must be a problem with a girl if she is not married according to my mother).
I think at the end of the day what upsets me the most is their blind support of a political party that actively discriminates against me, in fact many of it's members would advocate the re criminalisation of homosexuality and have us thrown in jail.
And when I try to point this out I am told I am a bit fixated on the gays rights issue.
I do love them I just wish they would actually be supportive!
Labels: contemplation, family, politics
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6 Comments:
I know the feeling sweetheart...
xx
I can imagine how infuriating that must be. Perhaps you could politely point out to your sister that she might become a little 'fixated' too if all the rights she's taken for granted were suddenly taken away from her?
Also, when was it established that John Howard washes up?
he helped my mother wash up at a school event a few years back
mind you I reckon the slimy today watched while she did the washing up
...Disturbing.
very
It's funny how family can think they're being supportive... I remember my brother's engagement - where, while my partner and I had been together much longer than he and his fiancee, we were suddenly made to feel like our relationship didn't exist or wasn't really significant - yet I was the one counselling them all on their relationship issues, based on my own experiences. I know they didn't realise it was the case, but the simple exclusion of us without even thinking about it, was alienating and depressing.
So these days I'm more likely to just point it out there and then - every time - until people start to realise we're not any different to anyone else.
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