Hi Uncle Mac,
I am 21 years old and my boyfriend is 26 and we have been together for almost two years. We live together and have done so for the last years. The problem is for the last three months my boyfriend has been acting strangely to me, and we hardly ever have sex anymore. We used to have sex almost every day but now I am lucky if we have sex once a month!
Every time his phone rings he walks out of the hosue to take the call. Uncle Mac what should I do? Is My boyfriend cheating on me?
These are some pretty strong warning signs that heís over the relationship, whether heís actually cheating on you or not, yet. But first, Iíll ask you if youíve been paying him the kind of attention he needs? Relationship problems are almost always a two-way street. Have you been bitchy or overbearing towards him? Have you been trying to be sexy and alluring for him? If you have and heís suddenly not giving up some dick more than once a month or so, then I smell a rat, or at least an immature boy who doesnít have the balls to tell you itís over and is stringing you along. I assume youíre paying your half of the bills? That may be hard for him to let go of.
I'd say itís time to sit down and try to have a calm and honest discussion of where you both see your relationship going, an RRC (relationship reality check). Pick a time when heís in a good mood, not tired, and not when youíre arguing already. Approach it from the angle of how the sex has dropped off and you are missing that closeness and intimacy. Ask him if youíve been doing something wrong? Putting it that way will not make him defensive and will probably get him talking about his real feelings. Donít accuse him of cheating if you donít have any evidence (before that night, you could check his phone for calls he took when he stepped outside that evening, after heís asleep, then later, discreetly check out who heís calling a lot). But you can say that it feels like heís not giving you Ďall his attentioní at home, let alone dick, which implies that you might suspect something. If he IS cheating, heíll probably respond with a guilty look, or be overly defensive, at which point you should push for the truth, which will hurt, but itís better to get it out in the open now.
Of course, he could just be distracted a lot lately and working too hard, but if he doesnít need (for reception) to leave the house to use the phone, but is doing it a lot, then you have every right to think something sneaky is going on. And really, if thatís the case and he knows you know he doesnít need to go outside, and heís letting this other person call your house when youíre there, thatís pretty ballsy, isnít it? Itís like heís itchiní for a confrontation. If youíre wanting to hide an affair, you donít let ďthe otherĒ call your house constantly with your lover sitting there while you step outside to plan your next rendezvous.
If he doesnít admit to anything, has a good explanation for the phone calls and he says he loves you and wants to keep things going-- and promises to pay you more attention and give you more dick-- then give it time. See how he acts towards you for a while, and you put everything you can into making him happy, too. If he doesnít shape up, then face the reality that the relationship is not worth it, and dump the bastard. Why waste your time with someone who doesnít give you all his love? You need a man who will treat you right!
Iím in love with a hot looking, wonderful guy. Weíve been together for just over a year. Heís everything I want in a man and our love life is fantastic. Heís 28. Iím 24, just out of university. Weíve talked about a commitment ceremony and plan to move in together in a new place next month. He says Iím the love of his life. Whatís my problem? WellÖÖ. He doesnít want to be monogamous. He alway