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Sex in Open & Closed Relationships

Gay couples are not always monogamous and their relationship can be terms as "open". In these relationships the partners have an understanding about sex outside the relationship.

In closed or monogamous relationships, neither partner sleeps with anyone else and they make a commitment to this effect. There are pros and cons for both types of relationships and advantages and disadvantages in including a third person as well.

Closed Relationships


  • The sex life can get boring if both partner's don't put effort into it
  • Some people can feel they are missing out on something


  • Commitment and Trust
  • A sense of knowing that your partner only wants be with you
  • Safer Sex is always practiced
  • Their is no jealousy of your partner sleeping with other people
  • You know your partner isn't going to run off with some person you both slept with


Open Relationships


  • You can pick up STD's from other people
  • You can get jealous of your partners sexual escapades
  • There is a high chance that the relationship will break down due to one partner meeting someone else
  • You can end up not having sex with your partner and ;losing touch and growing apart



  • For people with not much experience it can allow them freedom to experiment
  • A feeling of individualism can be found
  • The relationship can grow in other ways, and if that person is not right for you you can meet someone who is

Regardless of whether you have an open or closed relationship the key to successful relationship is:




A sexual relationship with a long term partner can go through ups and downs, especially if one person is more highly sexed than the other. This is often used as a reason for an open relationship. Whether this is an excuse or not is irrelevant.

Sex however does not have to become boring or infrequent in a relationship. When you are with someone who who love and trust then the door is open to acting out fantasies and trying things that are new.

This might include spicing up your sex life by:

Agreeing on a Relationship Type

When agreeing to a certain type of relationship there is a process you should go through to work out what is best for you and your own situation.

Communication is the key, as is honesty and commitment. If you break the rules then expect the consequences and be prepared to tell the truth.

Threesomes and Relationships

Threesomes are very common in gay relationships, often though they are used as a way to appease a partner who wants to sleep around. Before going down the path of inviting someone else into the relationship whether it be for one night, a week or the duration of the relationship, you need to ask yourself why you are doing so.

If there is an underlying dissatisfaction with the he relationship then you need to work this through before inviting some else to join you. Otherwise the third person can split the relationship up.

If it is because the sex life has become a bit staid and boring, then you should try and spice it up with yourselves first.

If on the other hand the relationship is strong and there is good communication already, then you may look for a third person. But having sex with a third person will always change the relationship, regardless of whether you want it to or not!

Finding a Third

Often the best place to find a third person is a club or pub. A cute guy might try and pick one or even both of you up. If you want a threesome proposition him. He can only say no!

You can put an advertisement in a newspaper, the net or a magazine and get a whole stack of responses.

Ground Rules

Some common ground rules that people have in inviting someone in to have sex with them are:

In the end it's up to you and your partner what you do to spice up your sex life, but before you invite a third or sleep with other people why not try spicing it up just the two of you?

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