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When is Young Too Young?

Author: Superdrewby
Date: 2002

Taking away the illegality of males sleeping with males under the age of consent, there is an issue with how old does a guy really have to be before having sex, and with what sot of age difference is acceptable and indeed healthy. Now this is not an article on "Boy Love" or something trying to promote and normalize pedophilia, rather this is serves to raise some issues about when is young to young to have sex?

Society in general has come a very long way since the stone age when women were married at 13 and pregnant by 14 to a male anywhere from their own age up to mid twenties or even older. We now recognize that this is a bit too young!

Iran recently announced that it was no longer legal for a girl under the age of 13 to marry (previously it had been seven) without a court order. At least they are starting on the right path, even if 13 is a bit young still for a girl to understand and make their own mind up.

But this is not about heterosexuals, this is about sex between males and how young or old you should be before you start having sex. Then when you do start having sex how the age difference in your partner is of concern.

I'll start off by saying that personally I don't believe that there is any justification for a cross generation relationship between a young guy and an older guy. By younger I mean under 18 and older I mean over 21 or there abouts. But it's not about the actual age so much it is more about the level of maturity and experience of the guy involved.

When I was 16 / 17 my level of maturity was very low, I may have thought that I had life sorted out and knew where I was going. But looking back on myself with all my life experience to date, I realise just how immature and naive I actually was. It's not to say that all young guys were like me, but my life experience has taught me many lessons, and now admit that I am still not "mature" and still have a lot to learn and develop.

Straight society generally frowns upon gay sex under the age of at least 18, and when an older person is with a younger person they question the relationship. As an openly gay male I don't have a problem with guys of 16 getting together, because they are at similar stages of their personal and emotional development.

But a guy of say 30 seeing a 16 year old? I would question the motivation behind the relationship and wonder what it was that they actually spoke about and have in common. Yes there is a place for a relationship between a younger male and an older male in the context of mentor and student. This is an established social pattern and breeds healthy and intelligent people.

What about if that relationship also included a sexual intimacy? Is this wrong? Is this a case of the older guy using his power of experience to manipulate the younger guy? In my opinion it is wrong even if there doesn't seem to be any harm done.

If you are young then try and find guys your own age to go out with a keep the older guys as platonic friends and mentors. Sex in these sorts of situations often inhibits the experiences that can be passed from one generation to the next. The relationship becomes sexual and all of a sudden the power balance changes form one of equality or learned friends to one of power.

As for how old you should be before you start having sex, well again this is a difficult question. At a young age are you truly able to understand or comprehend the enormity and consequences of your actions? Does your emotional psyche actually allow you to rationalise what you are doing.

Sex is fun, don't get me wrong and most guys start experimenting sexually somewhere between 13 - 16. But if you are not emotionally ready to deal with sex are you sure you should be doing it. Boys jerk off together, have some fun, experiment and discover themselves from a young age and this is totally normal and healthy.

There is an old saying that Youth is wasted on the young, and this to some extent is true. But enjoy your youth and your experiences, but don't get caught up in a situation where you can do yourself some harm!