It's nice to be home
After four days away with friends down the coast I am happy to be home, but have that slight sadness and melancholy that the holiday is over.
As much fun as it was being away in an amazing house on the coast down the south coast with good friends I am reminded that I am a bit of a loner.
I missed the puppy probably more than I should :) Maybe I am a bit co-dependent with the beagle, and I know she just loves being at day care as she gets to play non stop with other dogs all day and night.
But I do miss her when she is not around and I think I would have preferred a holiday place that the puppy could have come with us.
As much as I love my friends and love having people around I am simply not used to it. The friends from the UK were with us again from Friday week ago and only left the afternoon we went for our mini break.
It was lovely seeing them and catching up with them but I am so used to just the boy and I in the apartment that it was a rude shock having more people in the apartment all the time. Couple that with stress at work and it took me quite a while to find my inner relaxation.
Truth be told I am feeling quite stressed, old and haggard at the moment. Work is taking it's toll on me this year and I feel that I am being pulled in a thousand different directions without a clear end in sight. We have been winning new work left right and center for the last month which is both good and bad, good because it means business is good, but bad because I am taking on even more of a workload.
I am at a bit of a crossroad with work, I want to get to the next stage in the evolution of the business but to get there requires a huge jump and a significant amount of work not just on the client projects but on getting things much more streamlined.
The goal is to get rid of the things that take my time that can be done by others or can be automated.
But to do that I need to focus and concentrate on documenting and automating stuff so other people can do it, but couple that with how much client work needs to be done and it seems a bit like trying to climb mount everest.
Then there is the old bug bear of my smoking.
Ah yes I hear the boy say.
I have made a promise to myself that I will stop, quit, become a non smoker and never have another one again.
It's far easier to type it than it is to do it.
I put it off at the beginning of the year because of the new years party season and didn't want the stress of quitting then.
I put it off in February because Mardi Gras and the rest of the party season and am now faced with D Day, I have no more excuses and I have no more parties, events etc that are standing in my way.
The funny thing is I hate smoking, I hate the way it makes me feel, I hate the smell, I hate the taste.
I especially hate the self loathing that I feel when I do smoke.
I seriously cannot think of one thing I like about it, not one.
So why do I continue to smoke?
Fear.
Fear of being anxious and the anxiety of quitting.
But from past experience of stopping I know that in my mind if I tell myself that I will not smoke and remind myself of all the things I am gaining from getting rid of the evil weed I can be much less anxious and in fact reduce it down to nothing more than a couple of days of stress and anxiety (oh and the personality of vile bitch).
I think psychologically I have been preparing for this for a while, I have been smoking like a chimney, so many cigarettes even when I don't actually want one it's been ridiculous.
Anyway I am going to end this and have a smoke and work out my state of mind for D Day.
Nice eye candy blog
I am always fascinated by how different people make money for themselves, it's the entrepeneur in me I suppose.
I came across the picture above at Guys with iPhones and of course I followed the link in the picture. It turned out to be the blog of a 20 year old body builder in Florida who does 'private shows' for 'sponsors'.
Check out his blog for more hot pictures showing off his incredibly ripped body:
I get the feeling that his private shows are all about flexing and showing off his body and not about doing sex acts, which is different LOL!
Week's Wrapup
I can't believe that another Toybox party has been and gone and we have to wait another year for the next one!
Last week was bloody busy let me say, clients just came crawling out of the woodwork with new projects and it seems that everyone needs everything yesterday literally!
In between working like a trojan we also managed to fit in seeing the
Kinsey Sicks a very cool Dragapella group, all singing no backup group in Australia for Mardi Gras, among my favorite numbers were, Waltzing my Dildo and Fertilizer to the tune of Britney Spear's Womanizer.
It's a busy part week for me this week I took yesterday off and am taking Thursday / Friday off, so am trying to pack into two days what I would normally do in five days!
But I am very much looking forward to having some down time.
It's been a long but good few weeks
I have barely had the time or inclination to write a blog for a while so I thought a summary of the last couple of weeks would be good!
Last weekend was the Mardi Gras Parade and our annual Parade Party that we throw. The party was a hoot, although a few tense moments when the shirtless waiters got lost and were an hour and a half late.
I discovered that straight girls are the worst party guests of all, they drink so much they become paralytic. One even took it upon herself to get so drunk that she threw up and shat herself all at the same time - delightful!
We had a big media launch of a new product at work which generated a lot of great media interest and has generated a load of interest in our work from some unlikely sources like PayPal and a couple of advertising agencies.
The lead up to the launch was very intense trying to get everything ready was a huge workload and many late nights and weekends spent working.
A big thanks to Gabe for the help he gave in the media launch I could not have done it by myself.
The start to the year was slow with new business but hectic with existing customers. The last week has seen all of the quiet prospective customers come out of the woodwork and our forward sales pipeline is now very healthy.
We also set up a new team in India this month, which has been an interesting challenge for me, bot in terms of timing and learning how to manage an off shore team that doesn't start working till 2pm our time and goes through till 11pm our time.
My family is still a cause of stress, trying to juggle the day to day issues that arise with parents who have dementia. It's tough remaining calm and not show my frustration when they say the same thing over and over and over again and ring ten times a day to tell me the same thing.
But that's the unfortunate future of dealing with people whose mental capacity is diminishing.
We also have friends from the UK staying with us on and off for a couple of weeks and it's been nice catching up with friends that we haven't seen in nearly 8 years. Although because we have been busy we haven't been able to spend so much time with them.
This year though seems to be flying by and it's already the first week of March and it still feels like January.
But everything is pointing to this year being a really fantastic year all I have to do is find a good balance between working hard and achieving my goals and getting enough down time to relax and recharge as often as I can.
One of the biggest failings I have face the last couple of months is taking up my bad habit of smoking again, but I have promised myself once all the Mardi Gras Parties are all over I am going to dig my heals in and kick the dirty habit for once and for all.
I can feel the smoking reducing my fitness and health and I don't like the feeling, but I have to get myself into a psychological state of determination that I will stop and stop the discussion in my head when I do stop.
For anyone that stops smoking you know when you first give up it's like a battle of wills, on the one hand your 'good' side says yeah you can do it, whilst the other 'bad side' tells you, that you will just start smoking again so it's stupid putting yourself through the pain of stopping.
It's stupid really I just have to quiet my 'bad side' and nurture my good side.
Let's see how I can quite the bad and nurture the good in the next few weeks!
Too busy to scratch myself
I have been too busy to scratch myself of late.
We are doing a media launch of a product tomorrow and I have been busy preparing for this along with normal day to day work and stuff.
We have some friends staying with us from the UK on and off over the next two weeks.
They arrived last Saturday and are off up the coast today.
Of course with the hellish workload and stress of work I managed to get a cold late last week and although it peaked on Saturday I am still not back to my normal manic self and feeling a bit slower than normal.
So it's back to writing proposals, code and talking to clients for me!
Mercy Killing
The media storm over BBC Producers Ray Gosling's admission that he smothered his dying lover as he lay dying from latter stage AIDS in the 80's is suprising.
And the news he has now been arrested is just plain wrong.
Back in the really dark days of the 80's when thousands of people were dying in the most gruesome ways from AIDS related diseases some begged an pleaded to be helped to end their pain, whilst others like some friends I knew fought on to the very end.
I am a believer of euthanasia in controlled circumstances, but it's technically illegal to help someone die, even though if you ask many hospice nurses and doctors they will allude to the fact that they do 'help' people to die faster with some dignity.
It may be through elevated levels of morphine to a level that stops the person's respiration, or it may be something else.
Thousands of people helped their partners, friends, parents, brothers and sisters to end their suffering.
Generally the last days of someone with a terminal illness are horrific as their body shuts down and the pain cannot be controlled by pain medication.
I think if I were in that situation I would want someone to help me end the pain and suffering.
It's ridiculous, we routinely and humanely help our pets to end their suffering and I have experienced this too.
But when it comes to our fellow humans we are legally required to torture them for the last days of their lives.
It just doesn't seem fair really.
And arresting someone like Ray Gosling for doing the heroic thing and helping his dying lover end the pain and suffering is just plain ridiculous. Especially since by the sounds of his confession it was totally mutual decision.
A great movie from this era is It's My Party with a star studded cast including George Segal, Olivia Newton John, Roddy McDowall, Margaret Chow and Eric Roberts deals with a guy with an AIDS related brain disease which will kill within days and has no cure. He decides t throw a hell of a party and then end his own life before he goes gaga.
The movie also touches on assisted suicide in the era of AIDS of the 80's and is ver poignant and topical to this story.
Grindr on Top Gear
Unless you have been living under a rock and are gay you know what Grindr is, the totally irreverent Stephen Fry recently showed Jeremy Clarkson Grindr live on Top Gear
It's totally hilarious!
Work is overtaking my life Right Now
I am swamped by work right now and just mountains of stuff that needs to get done.
However I am looking forward to having a few days off over Mardi Gras in a few weeks time.
So not much else to say really.
Prince Harry's Six Pack
Prince Harry certainly bulked up while he was in Afghanistan!
Just look at those abs!
do you ever?
I read a lot of blogs and online journals on a pretty regular basis.
Sometimes I just want to write a comment on a post but I stop myself.
I want to tell the blogger that they are a self absorbed wanker.
But I don't, it's not nice.
But I wish I would, maybe that would make it a bit more fun.
But I am already a big enough bitch and a big pile of contradictions.
Free LCD TV
Some eye candy to start the week
I have had a pretty full on weekend, building a roof on our downstairs balcony and painting the spare room and was pretty exhausted from all that.
Today has been a really full on day, a new staff member started and I have been battling a really complex project too. I think I have a handle on it finally!
I am pretty damn whacked and am looking forward to watching the grammy awards and being excited for a friend, one of his artists won a Grammy now how cool is that!
Not too bad for an old fart
DNA magazine is promoting their next party at IVY and yours truly is the image they are using to promote the party.
Not too bad for an old fart I say :)
I am a thirty something married gay boy living in Sydney, almost on top of the gay scene but not in it!
Why Sometimes blue?, because I love blue, but also I am sometimes blue :)
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