The Purina Diet

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I used to have a Labrador retriever & was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart, waiting in the check-out line. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because I’d ended up in the hospital last time. But, I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry, as the food is nutritionally complete.

So, I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, especially a tall heavy man behind her.

Horrified, she asked how I’d ended up in the hospital; if I’d been poisoned.

I told her no;


I’d been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me. The
tall guy nearly had to stagger out of the store, oxygen-depleted from laughter.
I paid for the food and left a lot of smiles behind me.

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